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Old 03-21-2011, 11:19 PM   #1
ChristineP Female
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humm What to do?

My 8 yr old son came home today with a very distinct red mark around his neck...when questioned he denied knowing how it happened. After some coaxing, he revealed to me that during the after school care (at the school) a 9 year old boy held him down while another boy twisted his neck...leaving the mark! He gave me the names of the boys. I feel I should tell the teacher in charge but also don't want my son to be the target of more bullying for "tattle taling"! Any advice?
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Old 03-21-2011, 11:30 PM   #2
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Default Re: What to do?

I'd cc the director at the same time if I was using email. I think you should speak up. Where were they when it happened? Who was overseeing? I realize boys will wrestle and such, but this seems a bit more than fooling around. Nobody should be held down while somebody else is hurting them.

as much as I like the in person conversation, i love email for this stuff as it puts it in writing, I can cc at the same time and make sure the issue is heard while leaving a trail. That or have a conversation witht he teacher and follow-up with an email.

I've been having some issues with one of my twins. I reiterated, strongly so, that one of my greatest concerns was the aftermath for her (e.g. being the 'tattle tale" having the kids in question become nastier, bullying, hurt feelings, etc.) I also asked them to discuss with me what their plan was prior to moving forward, because I don't trust themLOL

---------- Post added at 10:30 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:28 PM ----------

and if you can, take a photo of the red mark, though I know they don't always show as well in photos it is worth a shot and to have in your records should this escalate for some reason. Hopefully it was a one-time and innocent occurrence...but I find the things I let go build and the things I speak about end up nothing. Sooo, I speak up a lot more often now!
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Old 03-22-2011, 12:19 AM   #3
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Default Re: What to do?

I really appreciate the advice. He is my only so always learning as I go...great idea about taking the picture. I was planning on following up....just was not sure of the approach :-)
Thanks
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Old 03-22-2011, 12:35 AM   #4
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Default Re: What to do?

You can also ask that the school/after care review their anti-bullying policies, especially with the publicity that bullying is getting in the media, it wouldn't hurt.

We had a really severe case of bullying against my son that resulted in a broken hand, a concussion, and a golf-ball size knot on his forehead, and the other kid getting arrested, spent 4 days in juvie jail, 60 days on house arrest, and the kid had to give speechs to kids about his new criminal record and the fallout of bullying. I know this sounds kind of severe, but this kid was 15, my son was 10, this kid was 6'1, my son wasn't even 4'.
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Old 03-22-2011, 12:38 AM   #5
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Default Re: What to do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChristineP View Post
I really appreciate the advice. He is my only so always learning as I go...great idea about taking the picture. I was planning on following up....just was not sure of the approach :-)
Thanks
I think you begin it with "I'm concerned" and go on to explain what you saw and your son's explanation. See if you can find out where and when from him, too to help pinpoint a bit.

I would also ask them to review the anti-bullying policies (as KC mentioned). I think if you go in open-minded and lay it out for them they will want to get to the bottom of it and figure out what is going on.
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Old 03-22-2011, 11:23 AM   #6
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Default Re: What to do?

Now this kind of thing really gets my back up, i cant stand bullying. Take a photo of the red mark and take it to the people who work there. Children do tend to be rough with eachother, especially boys, but pinning him down and twisting his neck is just downright nasty. So sorry for your son.
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Old 03-22-2011, 08:55 PM   #7
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Default Re: What to do?

now a days kids can be horrible and understand that there could be more bullying however that after school program has a responsibility to protect your child even if it is kick the other kids out.. At that degree of assault i would go to the director and then if the kids go to school with him at the same elementary i would have a talk wit the other school to let them know this behavior happened... you read articles of the "choking" game and kids are dying.... to me messing with someones neck is worse than punching someone in a simple boy fight... I wish you the best but my opinion it needs to be addressed with the school and to the director because the teacher isnt doing their job watching the kids.. my son is in a room full of kids bigger than him for after school and they would have 2 adults in there watching them and big red flag if your child is being held down and two kids on him...
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Old 03-23-2011, 12:10 AM   #8
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Default Re: What to do?

I did address it with the Director today....they will keep an eye on the boys in particular but stated they have never had a problem with either one. I think it will turn out okay and may have been a one time incident....I am hopeful :-)
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Old 03-23-2011, 01:17 AM   #9
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Default Re: What to do?

It may have just been rough housing that got a bit over board. Boys will get over things where girls sometimes carry it for a long time.
Still good idea to keep an eye out. See if a pattern starts.

---------- Post added at 11:17 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:14 PM ----------

Kitcat, that situation was way past bullying. It was Anti-Social and Sociopathic.
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Old 03-23-2011, 05:06 AM   #10
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Default Re: What to do?

Well id let it lie for now then, but keep a close eye on your son, if there is anything going on here you need to nip it in the bud right now.
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Old 03-23-2011, 10:23 AM   #11
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Default Re: What to do?

Agree with dad Kitkat... I'm thinking expulsion wouldn't have been too severe either.

Christine, glad they will keep watch on it. Here's to hoping. Sometimes it is difficult to know what is serious and what isn't. I'm glad you spoke to the director, that way should something else happen you've already got a record of it going.
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|.........WINE TRUCK.........| ||'|";, ___.
|_..._..._______===|=||_|__|..., ] -)
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Old 03-23-2011, 12:53 PM   #12
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Default Re: What to do?

Well, I think you should send a registered letter to the director reminding her of this incident and how the employees should be keeping a watchful eye. They are suppose to be watching the children at that facility and that any other incidents will directly reported to the childcare facility agency. That should get their attention. Then again I over react sometimes but that is me.
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