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Old 04-22-2007, 08:40 PM   #1
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so i went to go and give my youngest a back after i fed him his snack he had gotten it everywhere ( i wasnt in there very long) i had left the oldest inthe living room watching ninja turtles, and when i came out to get the baby dressed and all that guess what i see, my son was half naked, there was the baby's formula dumped on the carpe two sharp knives on the floor( i have them up where he would hafta climb pretty high to get them ) and he was just sittin there like he didnt do anything wrong. OMG, I was about to flip out, i mean it doesnt matter what i do, i have taken his toys his movies everything except his pillow but he always does something like this, like he would tear up the bathroom while i making dinner, he did that last night , i have caught myself bout to hit him , i seriously am at a loss here, i sent him to his room while i try to calm down. i do beileve i may be going crazy
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Old 04-23-2007, 12:51 AM   #2
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As a dad of 4 boys (3 grown) speak mean and carry a big stick.

Little boys aren't that breakable and a good whomp to the sitting parts might just get it across to him what the rules are. Don't worry about him growing up to be violent as my 3 oldest aren't and they got their share of it.

I will add that I use it as a last resort or when they are way out of line.

Hope this helps.
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Old 04-23-2007, 07:59 AM   #3
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personally, i am very anti-spanking - personal decision, i just don't think i could separate my own frustration/anger away from the act and so it would be used for the wrong person.

I feel ya on the crazy though! my son is only two and is having horrible tantrums - he broke his second floor lamp last week and i swear he has a thing out for his furniture - lately i've been restraining him (partially because he kicks and hits me) until he can calm down and he is calming down a bit - he generally even likes to stay in my lap once i've let go, so i know he somewhat appreciates it.
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Old 04-27-2007, 10:04 PM   #4
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I don't have enough strength in my arms to give a spanking good enough to communicate. And plus all spanking really does is get their attention, and teach them how to hit.

That being said, I've got a boy who must be closely related to your sons. This kid took my regular vacuum cleaner into the bathroom and sucked the water out of the sink. Tonight he locked me out of the house. The other night he locked us out of the bedrooms, and bathrooms. Sound familiar?

Okay, instead of thinking about what you would like to control, the destructive behavior, think about what you actually have control over. Some key ones I use are I have control over the car, and food. Food seems to work the best. Around my house a familiar line is "Would it be reasonable to expect you to have xyz cleaned up by breakfast time tomorrow?" And then guess what, breakfast for my offending child isn't served until xyz is done, picking up the socks you flung all over the bathroom, cleaning up the bathroom cleaner off of your sister's dress, etc. I use that same technique with the car. I'll be happy to take you to school once you've done your dishes.

I didn't dream all these calm wonderful responces up on my own. I'm borrowing from Love and Logic. It's a parenting method that works wonders! I finally broke down and bought a set of 8 CD's that I've been listening to. It was expensive, but cheaper than replacing my vacuum cleaner 3 times, which is what I was headed towards.
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Old 09-19-2007, 08:45 AM   #5
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wow at all these stories...wow.
I have had my share of issues with my two, but nothing like you are talking about. In my house, we are a team and even though my boys are still pretty youngm, they respect me and would never do that. Well let me correct that. They might do it once but it will not happen again. My method of punishment is "take away the fun and isolate". If one of them breaks a rule or does something unacceptable, they are in their room for the rest of the day/night. Doesn't matter what time of day it is either...if it happened in the afternoon they can leave their room the next day. I let them use the bathroom and that is it...I serve food to them like jail. (I figure if I don't get them under control from an early age then they WILL be in jail kwim?) I really do not have too many problems.

Last night actually, we were at a school function and my friend was helping me with the boys as I am in PTA and was helping. My youngest after two warnings was out of control so I scooped him up and walked out, went home and put him to bed. My friend stayed with my oldest so he could finish the good time he was having. Worked great. I promise my 3.5 year old will think better about acting like that again
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Old 11-28-2007, 07:59 PM   #6
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I almost thought I was me typing this......I here you.

I have nothing good to offer.
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Old 09-12-2008, 06:15 PM   #7
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Wow sounded like me typing this for a min.

It's tough I know... I take everything he loves away and my son still doesn't care. Whe I tell him he's going to be on time out, he says he likes time out!!

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Old 03-21-2009, 10:46 PM   #8
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My youngest son is 3 and he will be 4 in August. He's the exact same way he won't listen basically he thinks that he is the boss. I have tried everything including taking away his toys etc. but nothing works. I am also at my wits end.I sometimes have to take a time out myself because it is really hard. I wrote this to tell you that I know what you are going through and hopefully we can figure something out that works!
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Old 03-22-2009, 12:15 AM   #9
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I learned a technique at a community counseling organization. Zero Attention and Redirection: this means when the child is acting out you turn your back on him and praise someone else in the room. If there is no one else to praise , use one of his friend's names. For example, "I bet so and so would not be acting like this. I am going to call his mom and see if he is being good" Say all this with your back turned. The MINUTE it gets quiet turn around and praise your child lavishly for stopping the behavior. The child is crying out for attention, by any means possible, and it does not matter if it is good attention or bad.

This method worked for my son, soon he realized that I would not pay attention to him if he acted badly. One night (when he was 4) while we were at the center, the director took him into an observation room with a two way mirror because he was being destructive. The director put him in the middle of the room (I was outside looking into the room through the mirror) and turned his back on him. My son pulled his pants down and peed in the middle of the floor. The director did not turn around again until my son pulled up his pants and sat down in the middle of the room. Then the director immediately turned around and lavishly praised him for calming down and took him back to the group.

I know this sounds strange, but it taught me that I do not have to punish for every single offense, zero attention works better. I use it now that he is 14 and I don't listen to whining. When the kids start that I tell them that I don't hear whining and to come back and talk to me when they can use a grown up voice. It really works and I hope this helps.
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Old 03-03-2010, 11:32 PM   #10
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Default Re: going crazy, over n over again

hey, im a single mom of 3 boys. have you got any of those little things you stick on the inside of your drawers and cabinets to prevent them from getting into this. and you can make a little place where you just put plastic wear and bowls that they are allowed to get, like their own little cabinet and drawer. just an idea. boys do drive you crazy, i can admit to that. good luck.
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Old 03-04-2010, 02:09 AM   #11
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Default Re: going crazy, over n over again

I spank... my parents spanked me and i turned out fine... i dont spank if i am pissed... and i dont go over the top... Its to the point now he doesnt want me so if i start to count he stops or perks up and behaves... I just different tech. from saying why we dont do things and well what if i did that to you? i try to hold out on spankings but if i know he will do something that will hurt him or be a major thing... ill spank that booty to get my point across... usually works... my parents wont spank him... and ya he doesnt listen to them ... daycare will tell him they will call me... i know some people disagree with how it is but whatever... it is what it is..... works for me
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:04 AM   #12
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Default Re: going crazy, over n over again

I did swat the boys on the rear, and I used a small wooden handled rubber spatula. One of my uncles was a Dr. and did family practice, he said he never treated a child for a broke bottom, but he did a few for whip lash. The idea is one swat, ten once you have there attention, re-direct. Part of any punishment should include shame.
Now my boys have all out grown the stage where swats are not effective so I use other ways. When I talk with them about bad behavior I do say that maybe ok elsewhere , but it's not acceptable in for my sons.
He's wanting for attention, YJL has a good method, it may work. If it does great, if not lok for another check out Focus on the Family I got some god ideas there.
One thing do not punish from anger, calm down then deal with the behavior.
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:17 AM   #13
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Default Re: going crazy, over n over again

Spanking has it's place, but so does zero attention. I am not wild about comparing to soand so, saying "I bet so and so isn't" But thatis just me. I am all for zero attention to negative behavior when possible. Also with returning the child over and over to a time out place until they get it and get under control. That is working well right now with DGS as is talking to him ahead of time about expectations and praising prior to, ie "I know you know how to behave and I am so proud you are choosing to today!".

At first act out, I tell him he has a choice of having a good day or a bad day. Most of the time when given the choice he stops and thinks were it is headed Then there are the times when I say "Are we going to have a good day or a bad day? your choice" and he answers after a long pause "a bad one"
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Old 03-04-2010, 10:39 AM   #14
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Default Re: going crazy, over n over again

I still use the choice system. Do you want to take and shower and wash your hair by yourself, or do you need me to help?
Do you want to clean the bathroom now or before you go to......?
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Old 03-04-2010, 10:40 AM   #15
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Default Re: going crazy, over n over again

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I am not wild about comparing to soand so, saying "I bet so and so isn't" But thatis just me.
You know, I have very recently did this comparison thing to DD and I so did not like how the words came out of my mouth. It just didnt seem like the right thing to say to change her behaviour.

Now, last night, I had a little girl who was misbehaving really badly for about 2 hours prior till I got home. She was so desperatly needing a nap....Anyways, last night was the first time I took toys away. I cannot believe how well it worked. I took 3 HUGE toys that I knew she would miss. At first, I was kind of heartbroken with how she acted. She was very upset. But I explained to her over and over what she had to do to earn them back. IT WORKED!!!!!!! Yeah! At first my mom was like just let her have them, but then I knew that this idea would not effectively work in the future. So I stuck with it and it worked. Im certain that constantly providing the redirection will work over time, even with the older adults and establishing those boundaries(confused)
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Old 03-04-2010, 10:56 AM   #16
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Default Re: going crazy, over n over again

Yea nadee! Glad you are finding things that work!
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Old 03-04-2010, 12:04 PM   #17
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Default Re: going crazy, over n over again

It sounds like your boy is just like my little DJ! What I do with him is send him too his bed and tell him to come out when he calms down. I ignore him until he is calm. Now every time that he is upset he runs to his bedroom. I tried spanking him, but it had zero effect, he would just continue on with his destructive behaviour.

He also has a nasty habit of making one helluva mess out of my bathroom, especially with toothpaste. Whenever he does that I hand him a cloth and make him clean it up. He's only 2 1/2, but he gets down and scrubs to the best of his ability, and if he doesn't he goes to bed until he is ready to clean it up.

As for my oldest, when he acts out the worst punishment for him is "the talk." He doesn't care if I take away toys or threaten spankings, he cares when I say, "Go to your room and wait for me there. We need to talk." Then he starts bawling.

I hope that helps.
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Old 03-04-2010, 12:22 PM   #18
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Default Re: going crazy, over n over again

I used 1-2-3 Magic on my kids....it REALLY works, it was a DVD my Therapist let me borrow, but basically it is positive reinforcement, a LOT of time outs until you get it right....

This reminds me of my boys, you sure you don't have a camera in my house?

Once during the bath-time scenario, I had finished giving the older one a bath, I came out to find the 3 & 4 year olds ____ NAKED, except for black shoe polish that they had painted on their feet, hands, and buttocks. I came out and screamed, which encouraged them to run...little black footprints all down the light beige carpet, & ____ impressions on the wall! I was a renter!

Why are little boys sooooo ODD?
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Old 04-11-2010, 09:05 AM   #19
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Default Re: going crazy, over n over again

hey, my 3 year old is giving me a hard time since she started kindergarten...they pamper her..... i have tried zero attention and time outs.....they work!!!
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Old 05-21-2010, 03:07 AM   #20
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Default Re: going crazy, over n over again

, my son is only 11 months and some of the things he does drive me crazy already. I don't really have any advice but goodluck.
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Old 05-22-2010, 10:03 PM   #21
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Default Re: going crazy, over n over again

My sister has 2 kids...a boy and a girl. The little boy came second and my sister has been saying it is "just so different with him." He likes to strip down to nothing and vaccuum the carpet...LOL
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Old 05-23-2010, 12:01 PM   #22
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Default Re: going crazy, over n over again

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I did swat the boys on the rear. The idea is one swat, ten once you have there attention,.
:: I'm sorry....but.... Oh, for want of an h!
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