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Old 05-06-2007, 07:39 PM   #1
gabriel'smommy
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I just returned from work to find, that for the third week in a row, my son's father has failed to visit his son. This time there wasn't even a call. I'm so mad I could cry. I'm the one who week after week has to explain why there's no dad. Yes, there are times when there is a reason. But today?!

Not only that, my son (age 5) lately has been acting out in class (not like him). He's also been pretending to kiss the boys. Only the boys. Maybe it's the fact his father isn't around.

I'm lucky I at least have the support and help from my parents.

Why couldn't there be a service like 1-800-rent-a-dad?
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Old 05-19-2007, 08:58 PM   #2
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I would ignore the behavior you are not wanting your son to engage in... maybe he's trying to get your attention especially if you react noticibly to it. My boys got used to dad not being there especially my youngest who was 6 months old when he decided he didn't want to be a dad. ((after the 2nd one arrived)) For a long time he didn't even know moms and dads can live in the same house. Sometimes when dad is not in the right place in his life to be a role model it's better he stays away than bring a lifestyle you don't want the kids to be a part of. I have some friends who want their teenager to not behave like their father.
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Old 05-22-2007, 12:11 AM   #3
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I have been through this already. My boys are now almost 13 and 11. When they were younger it was very hard. But I finally learned to just not mention that they were going with dad cause dad never came! And they would be very upset. Especially my older son cause he had more time with dad when he actually spent time at home. The younger one never really got to know him. The older one wanted him very much and dad just wasnt there for him. Its a very hard thing to deal with and this father has the nerve to think that what he is dealing with is harder! Whatever that means!! I never understood what it has done to these boys and I dont think he ever will. It is like he thinks the whole world revolves around him and when he pops in after 1 month, then 6 months then 3 years that he should be able to take them!! It does not work like that. He walked away from my boys and cant come back in so easily. He also does not understand why I let his family take the boys but not him. Try explaining to him that the family didnt walk away from them when they were 2 and 4, he did. So why shouldnt they see the boys?? He thinks if he cant then they shouldnt!!

Dont let him ruin things for you and your kids. My ex let me down and also my boys. They eventually stopped asking for him but we did go through many nights of crying cause dad wasnt at grandmas house or not being able to talk to dad. My oldest had the hardest time cause he spent more time with dad because he was the first born and just remembered him a little more than the younger one. The look on his face when we would call the number that Dad told him to call anytime he needed to talk to him and he wouldnt answer!! It was aweful.

You should go on and do what you need to do to get through the day, week, month and dont worry about trying to contact dad and to set up times to see or take the kids. It is not worth it. If he wants to see them that bad he will call. If he doesnt then its his loss. The kids will remember who was there for them. So will family and friends. Want to talk more, I have plenty of years of stories and anger!!!
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Old 05-23-2007, 09:49 PM   #4
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Thank you, both, for your responses. 3boysandagirl, your story made me tear up. In any case, I have decided (now on week 5 of no father/son visit) to just ignore it. I don't call, and I didn't respond to the last excuse left for me.
Sheesh! How could some parents think it would not affect the children?! I can't imagine not seeing my son.
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Old 05-26-2007, 12:30 PM   #5
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Gabriel,

Rent a dad, sounds like a really cool idea actually.

I am sorry you and your son are going through this. I never dealt with that on a long term basis. When I left, my son's father didn't want anything to do with us. I completely ignored it, continued doing my life with my son and within a month or two he turned around.

Make sure you have the times and dates noted in a folder somewhere, you never know when that information can come in handy.
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Old 11-20-2007, 09:15 PM   #6
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that is so sad. 5 is very young and at that age he has no understanding of life so trying to explain is totally useless right now. i would suggest first not letting him see how upset you are about this, it is important because i used to do it and now my son feels more anger toward his deadbeat dad and he is 10 now. you don't want your son to feel hatred toward his father even if you sometimes do. second you can distract your son from the expectant phone calls, don't tell him that he will call or come by cause then you are left with a smoking gun, and third thank God for your parents and all the resources out there available. remember one day he will be a man and just remind him how he felt when his father was not there, now that my son is older he understands that and he says i am going to take care of my kids because i see what you are going through...God Bless You...
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Old 03-21-2009, 10:52 PM   #7
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3boysandagirl your story sounds so similar to mine its not funny. I also can't agree with your advice more. I try to minimize my oldest son's pain and also talk to him and answer whatever question he has but its hard. I just take everything one day at a time.
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Old 04-10-2009, 01:41 PM   #8
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Unhappy I hear ya

I have four boys, 10,7,6,3. They see their father maybe once every six weeks if we are lucky. He gets them whenever he feels like being a dad. It's very sad. I think it is very wrong that they can do that. Don't we all wish we could pick when we want to be a parent. LOL He has gone as long as 3 months with out seeing them. I don't call him anymore to see if he is getting them, and I don't tell the boys that he is coming to get them until I know for sure. I think it is wrong that the courts allow this to happen, when they say that consistency is a must. The child should be able to look at the calender to see when they are going to daddy/mommy house. I feel so bad for my boys, but there is nothing i can do , and that hurts the worst. Knowing I can't do anything to make it better. We just have to do the best we can.
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Old 06-03-2009, 09:54 PM   #9
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Default Re: What father?

I have one boy and his father has only seen him once in person when my son was 7 weeks old and only a couple times on webcam. I've received no support ever with him and the hardest thing is knowing he has a 9 month old daughter who he is with everyday. That sucks!!
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