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Old 09-23-2008, 10:16 PM   #1
Starscryer
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First off I would like to say that I have been to this website on many occassions and I think that how everybody helps here is great!

I really don't know where to start so I'll start at the beginning. I was seeing my daughter's father for about a year off and on then I found out that I was pregnant and he told me that he wasn't interested in having anymore children and that he didn't want her because he has 3 other children.

He did not see her for the first 2 years of her life, had nothing to do with her, didn't even acknowledge that she even existed. When she was 2 1/2 he called me and asked if he could see her. I feel that every child should have the right to know who their parents are, so I let him see her. He has been seeing her now for alittle over a year now. He gets her every
Wednesday and every other weekend.

He went on vacation to Texas for a week and called me when he got back, telling me that he wants to move to San Antonio, Texas in a few months. He wants me to agree to him NOT seeing his daughter for 10 months out of the year and allowing her to go to Texas for 2 months in the summer.

We do not or ever have had any type of child custody or visitation on any type of court record. We do actually get along fairly well considering the fact that he did abandon his daughter for 2 years, but I think that it will be harmful to her if she doesn't see her father for a good 90% of the year.

I told him that I don't want to do this, he told me that I don't have the right to keep her from him and that if I did, he would take me to court. I have contacted Missouri legal aide, they said that they couldn't help me (lack of funds) and so I contacted the mediation service that they requested to me. I called her father and told him about the mediation and he agrees to go and do this.

My question is this, what exactly is done in mediation and what do I need to ask for? Can he cross the state line with my daughter??? I can't afford a lawyer!!

Here's alittle info on her father: been married 3 times, currently engaged to a 4th, has 3 children from other marriages which he has custody of, woman he's engaged to has 2 children herself so there are 5 children living in the home 6 when my daughter is there, they don't have enough beds for all these children to sleep in - it's a 2 bedroom house adults have 1 room and all these children have the other, 2 older gils sleep in top bunk- woman's 2 boys sleep with my daughter in the bottom bunch ages 2 & 6 the other little boy is made to sleep in the floor due to him wetting the bed at night. I don't feel that this living situation is very healthy for my daughter.

Also he has lived in Texas before, after divorcing his 1st wife. He has 2 other children by her. When he moved there the 1st time he ended up living off his family, not paying child support for his 1st 2 children and ended up giving up his rights to them because he was told he could pay child support or give up his right, so he gave them up. I'm afraid that he is going to Texas and abandon his daughter again.

I'm desperate for advise, I have no family and don't have anyone to help me. PLEASE HELP!!!!
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Old 09-24-2008, 04:45 AM   #2
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The first thing you do is file fore child support now. He needs to be served papers to take a paternity test. He will not have to pay any child support if he is not the father. Especilly right now while he has a job. That way the guidelines will be set by the income he has. 2nd find out what the average visitation is in agreement is in your county. Then figure out what is a visitation schedule you can live with. The good thing about mediation is you can ask for whatever you want. Your daughter is young, I think ten months away from either parent would be awful and 2 months away from you would be awful as well. You can outline it for what you think is appropriate for the child's age. I think you have to decide if you would rather have no father in her life or live with an irregular visitation schedule. Especially with his past history, I think you need a mediation settlement.
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Old 09-24-2008, 11:19 PM   #3
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We have an order for child support & is currently paying and almost caught up on his payments. We've already did paternity, didn't do a test he claimed her finally after the state found him after 2 years of looking.
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Old 10-12-2008, 06:25 AM   #4
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Look up some of our old posts on mediation to get an idea of what you need to ask for during the mediation process. here in Florida mediation can be court ordered. A person can request that without a lawyer.
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Old 10-12-2008, 09:39 AM   #5
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I'm not going to be much help with the legal aspect b/c I'm not in your state, but I read this & just HAD to chime in.
I think you need to be very careful with what you put into writing with this man. From the situation you have described I am not sure that he should be having her STAY with him on weekends as it is. The last thing I would ever want to do is pass judgement on ANYONE else's life or choices...but if your three year old daughter is currently sharing a bed with two of his wife's boys that is not the healthiest of situations. Two parents that would have their child sleep on the FLOOR b/c he wets the bed are not providing the proper care for him or ANY of their children! I am sorry & I was with you until you mentioned the living situation & the changes he wants to make to move to Texas...What kind of a stable & secure home is he providing for his kids if he is constantly moving, changing wives, abandioning his children..etc... And why would you want your precious daughter to be a part of that? I understand wanting her to know her father...but there are things in her little life tha are far more important than knowing him! Her health, well being & safety come to mind right away! The security of ONE stable & loving parent (which you truly seem to be) far outweighs the exposure to her father & this unstable & cahotic family situation he has created! Again I am sorry if I an coming across as harsh...I am just so afraid of what this little girls life will be like for two months in texas.
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