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Old 03-27-2007, 09:47 AM   #1
Niteslacker
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I signed up here over the fall/winter...but vanished due to time constraints. Now I'm back!

I'm a 24 year old single dad that lives in south eastern(ish) Missouri. My daughter is five and will be starting kindergarten this summer...and I'm absolutely floored as to how fast time is flying by.

As for our current situation...my daughter's mother has four other children by another man and is unemployed living on welfare. She sees our daughter once every 6 months or so and that's only because she has family drive in from out of town.

Our child support enforcement/welfare division is in major need of an overhaul. I'm a full time student and because I work full time I'm ineligible to recieve any assistance (which makes sense). My problem is that it would be nice if I didn't have to work 40 hours a week when I head into my final 2 years of school that will also require 40 hours a week.

Let me run that by you once more.

This fall I will be going to school and working a total 80 hours a week. Figuring in 6-7 hours a week for sleeping and I will end up with about 12 hours a week for homework/being dad. Meanwhile my daughter's mother will continue living on welfare/hud while taking care of her 4 other kids. When I call child support enforcement all they're able to tell me is "Well, she's on welfare there's nothing that can be done right now." Here's a thought...help her find a job...help her find a sitter...let's get her into the work force like the rest of us.

I honestly kind of forgot about the site until I saw a news clip this morning about a pizzaria in Ohio that is including a list of deadbeat dads on their pizza boxes. While I believe it's a great idea, I can't help but feel hurt at the same time because I always hear about the deadbeat dads and not the deadbeat moms. It was this semi-realization that made me remember I'm definitely part of a minority that needs a bigger voice...and what a better place to find out what can be done than a single parent's network!

So anyway...here I am...again...and I look forward to meeting everyone!
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Old 04-05-2007, 12:20 PM   #2
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You seem awesome. Nice to meet ya!
see you on the boards!
--Mel
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Old 04-05-2007, 12:46 PM   #3
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Quote:
honestly kind of forgot about the site until I saw a news clip this morning about a pizzaria in Ohio that is including a list of deadbeat dads on their pizza boxes. While I believe it's a great idea, I can't help but feel hurt at the same time because I always hear about the deadbeat dads and not the deadbeat moms. It was this semi-realization that made me remember I'm definitely part of a minority that needs a bigger voice...and what a better place to find out what can be done than a single parent's network!

I saw the same article and posted it yesterday under, "deadbeats" in Open discussion, but please do notice that there was also a sentence above the article stating, "Deadbeat parents is a gender neutral term referring to parents of either gender assessed as liable to, but not paying child support."

I just want to reitterate what a wonderful job that you single fathers are doing!!!! Without your compasion; love and support, where would your children be? I am VERY admirable of men that step up to the plate and take care of their own!
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Old 04-05-2007, 05:11 PM   #4
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Niteslacker...If your ex lives in MO, ask that your case be referred to the Parent's Fair Share program. It's run by the Division of Child Support Enforcement in MO and assists parents in finding employment, gaining skills needed for employment, transportation to interviews, etc. They basically counter all the ncp's many excuses for why they don't/can't find a job. Here's the link http://www.dss.mo.gov/cse/pfs/index.htm (Unfortunatley, they even don't provide a swift kick in the keister or tubal ligations which is what it really sounds like your ex needs. )

If that doesn't work, MO does have a lifetime TANF (welfare) limit of 5 years. Additionally, after the first 2 years, she is required to either work, attend school, job training, etc for a certain number of hours/week (20-30 I think). Of course, don't get your hopes up too much, I don't think the work requirement applies if there is a child under 1 year old at home. On top of that, her case worker can waive the work requirement "for good cause" AND the state can exempt up to 20% of all their TANF cases that reach the 5 year lifetime limit.

When I was going to school, I took out additional student loans to cover living expenses thereby reducing the number of hours I had to work/week. This also had the added benefit of making me eligible for some daycare assistance, food stamps, energy assistance, etc. It also helped me keep my sanity and spend more time with my son. I do have more student loans to pay off than I would have otherwise, but the time I got to spend with my son while he was young was worth it. Good luck and let me know if you need more info!

Meghan
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Old 04-05-2007, 05:11 PM   #5
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Niteslacker...If your ex lives in MO, ask that your case be referred to the Parent's Fair Share program. It's run by the Division of Child Support Enforcement in MO and assists parents in finding employment, gaining skills needed for employment, transportation to interviews, etc. They basically counter all the ncp's many excuses for why they don't/can't find a job. Here's the link http://www.dss.mo.gov/cse/pfs/index.htm (Unfortunatley, they even don't provide a swift kick in the keister or tubal ligations which is what it really sounds like your ex needs. )

If that doesn't work, MO does have a lifetime TANF (welfare) limit of 5 years. Additionally, after the first 2 years, she is required to either work, attend school, job training, etc for a certain number of hours/week (20-30 I think). Of course, don't get your hopes up too much, I don't think the work requirement applies if there is a child under 1 year old at home. On top of that, her case worker can waive the work requirement "for good cause" AND the state can exempt up to 20% of all their TANF cases that reach the 5 year lifetime limit.

When I was going to school, I took out additional student loans to cover living expenses thereby reducing the number of hours I had to work/week. This also had the added benefit of making me eligible for some daycare assistance, food stamps, energy assistance, etc. It also helped me keep my sanity and spend more time with my son. I do have more student loans to pay off than I would have otherwise, but the time I got to spend with my son while he was young was worth it. Good luck and let me know if you need more info!

Meghan
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Old 04-05-2007, 05:39 PM   #6
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Wow...look who crawled out of the woodwork to offer this wonderful advice! How long has it been since you've posted? 2 years?

I second the student loans suggestion. They were crucial to me getting my degrees, while still spending the time with my son that he deserved.

Later,
Bobby
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Old 04-06-2007, 07:15 PM   #7
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Bobby...Hey, I'm impressed anyone remembered me! I was gone for a while, but have secretly been lurking for a couple of months now . You never know when I'll pop back up...
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Old 04-06-2007, 09:18 PM   #8
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...well, there's only 16000 or so people to know...not too hard. Please keep popping up
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Old 04-08-2007, 05:05 PM   #9
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Thanks for the information on the fair share program! I'll definitely be passing along the number to her the next time she calls.

As for the advice on student loans I'm already in debt 25k or so due to an Associate's degree that ITT Tech put me in the hole with. I'll have to take another 15k out or so for the next round of schooling, but my problem is mainly bills that will be due monthly (car, insurance, phone, etc...) for the 2 years I'm in the program.
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Old 04-08-2007, 05:20 PM   #10
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Niteslacker...were you once on here under a different name? I swear that I remember a guy on here from Missouri who went to ITT, and then started going to another school for a Bachelors degree...
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Old 04-08-2007, 06:12 PM   #11
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I was definitely here before as I pointed out in my first memo and for the life of me could not remember what my first user name was.

As for my second round of schooling it wasn't for my bachelors degree (ITT was a joke the first time through, why end up with an even more expensive piece of worthless paper?). The program I'm entering this fall will to become a radiology technologist. I hope to one day combine the two seperate fields and become an x-ray tech that assists with day-to-day operations of their patient databases. Right now the rad tech market is flooded locally, so any advantage that I have over others will obviously help me find a job somewhere.
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