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Old 10-15-2007, 05:32 PM   #1
aerialsilks
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Hi guys! I'm new to the site. I'm expecting my first child in February. I'm trying to figure out if I can be a stay at home/ mostly stay at home single mom.
I don't have a lot of money. I'm a massage therapist, so I make my own hours. And I don't need to work forty hours in a week to make ends meet. I just have to make sure that I keep booking clients.
I live at home right now, but my parents want me to get a "real" job and put my son in daycare. They want me to move out.
I went to school for massage therapy. To me, this IS my real job. And soon my job will be to raise a healthy, happy little boy. I'm conflicted. I don't want to put him in daycare. It's expensive, and I'd much rather be his caretaker during the day. But I think my parents will see me as a bad mother if I don't go out and get a full time job.
I feel like my baby needs me most when he's very small, and as he gets bigger, I can go back to work more.
So I guess my question is how do I do this? And how do I do this if I have to move out of the house?
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Old 10-16-2007, 02:03 AM   #2
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WOW!
I do not have an answer for you. All I can say is that you should not let someon else dictate to you how to raise your child. Your at home with those that want to dictate so that makes it a bit hard.
If you are able to make enough money as a massage therapist to get a place on your own and live then there should not be a problem.
Do you plan on getting any support from the father?
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Old 10-16-2007, 02:43 PM   #3
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I don't actually make enough money as a massage therapist to live alone with the baby, and still be able to stay with him most of the time. My main problem is my car. I have high payments and high insurance. My credit is poor, so my interest rate is high. The car has depreciated in value since I bought it. I'd still owe if I sold it. Also, I need a good reliable car to get to work.
The father is giving me support money. Actually, he's being very good about it. But he doesn't make a lot either, so it really wouldn't be enough to cover car and rent combined with my salary.
I just don't want to leave my son for ten hours a day while he is an infant. It doesn't seem right to me.
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Old 10-16-2007, 09:42 PM   #4
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I am so sorry for your situation. I wish your parents would be more willing to help you out.
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Old 10-17-2007, 03:38 PM   #5
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I wish they were, too. But since they are not, I'm going to have to find another way to raise my son my way, and not be dependent on them. Where there is a will there is a way. I'm determined.
I was reading about single parents who live off of school loans and grants while completing their education and still being hom with the kids a lot. Does anyone know more about that?
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Old 10-21-2007, 08:33 AM   #6
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I thought I posted something but I can't see it anywhere, I don't know where it went, any ways, I work out of the house and I'm doing ok, I think is the best I can do for my daughter so I can only suggest you to try to do the same, that way you'll be in control of a lot of things, and this is really important when you are a single parent

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Old 10-22-2007, 12:57 PM   #7
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What kind of work do you do? I'm sure I could see clients in my house...if I had a house. Ha ha. But if there were a way to work from home, I'd definetly do it. Any suggestions?
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Old 10-25-2007, 07:34 AM   #8
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Well, I'm in the transportation business, I used to be a truck driver, had a couple of customers and use brokers for the rest of the work, I had two trucks, now I have only one and I hired a few what we call owner operators, they own the truck but I give them the work and make a commission on it. I also got my brokers license so I can post loads on the trucking boards too. my parents made good money selling furniture out of their garage for a while, the open a furniture store, bought the building and 10 years later retired with a very nice rent on the property, some people run travel agencies, Claims collectors, sell insurance.
There are a few magazines about home businesses ( www.homebusinessmag.com and www.entrepreneur.com) check them out, but I notice they have a lot of home based businesses that looks like the only one making money is the guy selling the study course or the program.
Adrian
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Old 10-29-2007, 09:50 PM   #9
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Yes those are two great sites...I have used them myself...

perhaps you can take in more clients by getting work where they already have clients...in order to get enough money to pay bills...unfortunately being a stay at home mom and making a full time income, i don't know anyone who has done it, unless they run a full time business from their home, which would still require someone in the home to help you out with the kids....So I think it is a decision you will have to make...Obviously your parents are not giving you much choice...unless you can make a deal with them and you go to work for so many months to save money to put a downpayment on a home, and in that home maybe you can rent part of it out to help out with the mortgage payments so you can continue to work part-time.
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Old 08-31-2009, 02:19 PM   #10
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Default Re: Can I do this?

If I were you I'd make a plan ( a real plan with goal markers, etc) on how to save money and when you can move out of your parents house. This will make them more likely to work with you while you get ready to leave (so its not so stressful). I was in the same boat when my husband left me- I had no money, I was a stay at home mom of a disabled baby and I couldn't bare the thought of putting him in daycare. I decided right then and there that I would do what ever I had to do to keep him out of daycare. I made a plan with my mom to live with her (not for very long as she doesn't like having people live with her) and save to get out on our own. I worked a night job for a while and stayed home during the day (I would nap when he napped and sleep after he went to bed until I had to leave for work) and he would sleep at my friend's or at my mom's house while I worked (that way it wasn't too big an imposition because they didn't have to do anything really). And I just worked and saved and I used craigslist to pick up jobs cleaning houses sometimes while my son was visiting with his dad or grandparents. You can make it happen if you really want it.... but it is very hard without help. My mom gave me the minimal help of allowing me to stay with her as long as I stuck to the move out plan, and his father kept him on some weekend nights so that was a bit of a help but it was really really hard. You have to really search your soul and make sure that's what you want... your child won't be in daycare but you will be stressed, and tired, and hungry... its worth it if you want it though- I promise you that. I never missed a moment and I never wondered what was going on with my son during the day.
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Old 09-01-2009, 04:04 PM   #11
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Default Re: Can I do this?

My heart goes out to you! That's a tough situation. I've gotten the "get a real job" lecture from my parents, even when I didn't live with them. Follow your heart. You're right: being a massage therapist IS a real job, and so is being a mom! I know it won't pay the bills if you don't have clients...and when you first have the baby, it'll be hard to do that job. In the middle of a session, you may get called away to attend to the baby.

Laural
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Old 11-02-2009, 02:09 PM   #12
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Do you have a housing program in your state/area? Many housing programs accept people with incomes as low as zero. You could do massages part time and see if the baby's dad can watch the baby during your work hours. This would allow you to be on your own with an income appropriate rent and allow you to work without using daycare and spend more time with your child. I personally would leave your parents asap, because they seem non supportive of your ideas and may ultimatley interfier with your child as the baby grows this can cause serious rifts in families in some cases, so I suggest getting away from it right away.
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Old 11-19-2009, 05:37 PM   #13
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Default Re: Can I do this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by aerialsilks View Post
I wish they were, too. But since they are not, I'm going to have to find another way to raise my son my way, and not be dependent on them. Where there is a will there is a way. I'm determined.
I was reading about single parents who live off of school loans and grants while completing their education and still being hom with the kids a lot. Does anyone know more about that?
I am in the same boat you are, I started going back to school this year. I live with my dad for now (since i lost my job in June) What better time to go back to school right? anyway, i get grants to pay for most of my schooling while i get a nice chunk of return money from the loans for living expenses. however! I was planning on making it on my own with the return, but i am still living at my dads because the money just doesn't go that far... So, for now i will stay here.. go to school and i just got a part time job that I start Monday. Hopefully the part time job along with the extra money will help me be able to get a place on my own... i just need to save a little money before i jump back into the real world. At the same time I applied at my local housing authority. We have a year n a half wait list here. but maybe yours isn't that long? Anyway, if you're interested in going back to school to higher your education.. do it. If you are only interested in the money, don't.. because remember you will have to pay the loans back.. plus lots of interest. So if you're using the loan money for rent.. you're initially paying interest on your rent.. :-/ just really think about it before you are buried by student loans. i know friends of mine who have been doing it for years... to live off of and they aren't done with school yet and already have $20,000 or more in school loans.... after i can get out of my dads and get back on my feet i'll rethink the whole extra loans for living thing... because god knows i don't want to drowned in bills after i graduate but if you're interested in actual school it's a great starter helper.. maybe after my second year i'll find other options of paying for school such as scholarships... instead of the loan direction. THINK ABOUT IT!
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Old 11-21-2009, 06:40 AM   #14
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Default Re: Can I do this?

If you can teach that would be great, then you can be on your child's schedule.

Maybe do a small daycare for people at your church or friends, at least you could be home and your child will have friends.
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Old 12-10-2009, 01:42 PM   #15
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I am in this same boat! I have been staying with friends and relatives for...far too long. But I am now enrolled in classes full-time, online and getting student loans/grants to pay for my living expenses. I hate the thought of going into debt..but I -have- to get an education to take care of us properly and be independant, and I have to be able to live now. You -can- do this..the number one obstacle for me was feeling like there were too many obstacles and feeling like giving up.

Can you possibly room with someone, you and your son? That would be less money than your own place. You can do this while you get on a waiting list for income based housing. Many if not all areas have daycare assistance for single, low income mothers, and sometimes they will give you a stipend so you don't end up paying anything at all. Look into assistance, don't be ashamed to take help right now while you're getting on your feet. Take in another child and babysit, so you can work and be with your child perhaps? Take massage clients part-time so you are only away from your son a couple of hours a day? Don't give up, you can do this!
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Old 12-10-2009, 02:08 PM   #16
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Default Re: Can I do this?

What dauleah said!
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Old 12-14-2009, 04:21 AM   #17
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Default Re: Can I do this?

i have been working at home to stay with my child and it has been the most wonderful blessing. i have a very supportive family (parents, sister), though, and that is something that i wish that all single parents could have. i wouldn't trade this time with my son for anything . . . he and i are both very happy, and i know that he is well-loved all day long.

even with family help, it is hard to juggle the demands of work and childcare. i can work some while he is awake, but i still do most of my work while he sleeps (he's 3.5 now), and i am tired a lot. also, we don't have much, so money is a source of worry more than it would be with other work. my son has state sponsored health insurance because my work doesn't offer it and i don't make much money. and, i never get a day off.

even with all of these drawbacks, i believe that this is the right solution for me and my son. it isn't right for everyone, but it is right for us. when we play in the yard in the afternoon or when i help him with a writing lesson, i think, i am such a lucky Mama!

i wish you the best! i hope you tell us how things unfold for you.
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Old 02-10-2011, 08:11 PM   #18
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are you getting any child support at all? can you look into that? even if it is court ordered or something?
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