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Old 04-21-2004, 01:41 PM   #1
DayDreamer
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Hey guys-
I am fairly new to this site.
I need to vent. I'm SO sick of living with my parents- but I feel trapped. I HAVE to live here now because I dont have the means to live on my own. The house we live in is way too small for the amount of people living in it- resulting in absolutly no privacy. Sometimes I dream about just running away to Florida (where I was looking at going away to school before I got preg.) and living there...but then reality sinks in and I realize that I can't. Atleast not for awhile. I hate feeling so dependent on my parents. Another thing that makes it all hard is that I dont have my drivers license. I live in the city, so public transit was easier and cheaper, but it isnt so convenient with a baby now. I need to get my license, and do a lot of things....but it just seems so far away, and I feel so overwhelmed- I dont even know where to start. I dont have a job or go to school, so I basically feel like I am going nowhere right now. I want to make money on my artwork, but dont know where to start on that either. And I want to get a part-time job, but I would like to wait till I am done nursing. I know that I just need to be strong and get through this, and its going to be hard- but I feel like by being so dependent on people, that it is holding me back. I just want to be self sufficient for my daughter and I. Any type of support would be greatly appreciated...I just feel like I am at the end of my rope right now.
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Old 04-21-2004, 02:45 PM   #2
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Daydreamer,
I know exactly how you feel. Do what I did ... recently ... and I am much older than you are. Take charge! Stop procrastinating on the things you want and need to do. Start by getting your drivers lisence. Whether or not you need it where you are. If you are thinking of Florida .. the public transportation sucks down here. It is so wide open as far as space you can not get much of anywhere without a car. As for your art work. Check out local places you can display on consignment. Around here Starbucks will display local artist's work for sale. That is a start. Then go to the local college and check on financial aid for school. You have to ask ask and ask again, then sift through a mountain of paperwork, but it is available. If you can be declared independant from your parents, more aid is available. Make sure you take core classes that can be transferred if you do move to another state.
Stop procrastinating and get out of your pity party. Not a rude statement at all.. remember, I said I was there a short time ago ... I know exactly where you are. Take charge and be a great role model for yourself and your child.
Good Luck!
Carla
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Old 04-22-2004, 06:04 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally posted by CarlaA:
[qb]Daydreamer,
I know exactly how you feel. Do what I did ... recently ... and I am much older than you are. Take charge! Stop procrastinating on the things you want and need to do. Start by getting your drivers lisence. Whether or not you need it where you are. If you are thinking of Florida .. the public transportation sucks down here. It is so wide open as far as space you can not get much of anywhere without a car. As for your art work. Check out local places you can display on consignment. Around here Starbucks will display local artist's work for sale. That is a start. Then go to the local college and check on financial aid for school. You have to ask ask and ask again, then sift through a mountain of paperwork, but it is available. If you can be declared independant from your parents, more aid is available. Make sure you take core classes that can be transferred if you do move to another state.
Stop procrastinating and get out of your pity party. Not a rude statement at all.. remember, I said I was there a short time ago ... I know exactly where you are. Take charge and be a great role model for yourself and your child.
Good Luck!
Carla[/qb]
Thanks for your support and suggestions Carla! You are totally right- I cant just talk about it anymore- I have to get up and do something about it!
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Old 04-22-2004, 11:03 PM   #4
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Daydreamer,
You just took the first step.... tomorrow take another.
Lots of luck! .. I will be here if you need prodding and or support.
Carla
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Old 04-22-2004, 11:18 PM   #5
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This reminds me of one of the old Christmas cartoons where they're singing "Put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be walking out the door"
And remember even a small step is still a step in the right direction and enough steps taken will get you to your destination.
Good luck DayDreamer.
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Old 05-03-2004, 08:50 PM   #6
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I know how you feel. You're depressed because although you are taking care of a beautiful baby, this is somewhat of a thankless job. And at the end of the day, its hard to feel like you have accomplished much (except a lot of diaper changing). You need to take care of your own emotional and intellectual needs. You are young, and you have something right now that you might not have when you move to florida -- the babies grandparents. If you tell you parents you want to do something to make yourself marketable (college or trade school) I am sure they will support you. Take advantage of free baby sitting when you can. Maybe you could barter (exchange work) if both your parents work. (for example, you can offer to keep the house clean, or have dinner prepared for them when they get home, in exchange for them babysitting while you go to night school.) It will be much easier to accomplish this now while you are living with two other adults. And moving out on your own without any skills -- your future will look bleek. E-mail me if you would like. I have been in a depression myself - I know how you feel. Good luck!
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Old 05-28-2004, 03:21 PM   #7
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Daydreamer, first thing first, call your local housing authority, and get on the list for a housing choice voucher from HUD- This pays for rent or the renting of a house. it also allows you to pick the place of your own with in the amount they tell you they will pay. Secondly, contact your local DHS building and see what programs they have that can help you as well with child care because you are going to need it so you can put baby in daycare and look for a job.

Now, if you are serious about school then there are a number of programs out there that you can do online and never have to leave your home for them just log in to them. You can apply for financial aid online its called a FASFA, but you need to find a school and get accepted first, once you have narrowed down where it you want to attend and then apply if you have good grades you should have no problem getting in, if they are not, then I think there are things you can do correct that to. University of Phoenix is a really good college online. Just a suggestion.

Your Artwork, Have you tried to set up a display at Flee markets, this is a good place to start. call your local flee market and see how much it cost to set up a booth. I am sure if mom and dad see you are making and effort to do somethings then they will be more willing to help you get where you want to go. It sounds easier said than done but once you start more Ideas should come and the more you accomplish will make you see that it's not hopeless. Do one thing at a time but do them so that they fall inplace with your plans. I hope this makes sense. You can do what you want but you have to put forth the effort and don't let the road blocks knock you out of the game. Go around them and get back on course. Just to let you know I work fulltime 40+ hours per week and attend college fulltime, and raise a 3 and 5 year old with no help from their father, its hard but its doable. Goodluck!!!

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Old 06-17-2004, 11:39 AM   #8
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DayDreamer..i totally know how you feel. When my husband and i were still together, we got into a financial bind and my parents offered to let us and my kids move in under the condition that he worked and i only went to school. Well going to school seemed like a great idea..(still does i am still in school) But once we moved in things of course went downhill. My husband worked and we paid my parents 150 a week in rent. well my husbands paycheck was only 250 so it left us 100 for the nessecities we needed like diapers, gas to drive, pay our insurance and phone bill, etc. Eventually we decided to move out and asked my parents if we could skip rent for a few weeks so we could save the money to move. My parents are not horrible people, but there are reasons why i moved out at 15 yrs old and now have 3 kids by age 22. Anywho they said we either paid the rent or moved out that day. it was horrible cause then we could never save the money to move out. Eventually we just left and stayed in a hotel, i got a job the night we left and a few weeks later we had a house to rent. Things will work out in the end sweetheart, sometimes we know what we have to do, we just dont have the uummph to do it.
melisha

Quote:
Originally posted by DayDreamer:
[qb]Hey guys-
I am fairly new to this site.
I need to vent. I'm SO sick of living with my parents- but I feel trapped. I HAVE to live here now because I dont have the means to live on my own. The house we live in is way too small for the amount of people living in it- resulting in absolutly no privacy. Sometimes I dream about just running away to Florida (where I was looking at going away to school before I got preg.) and living there...but then reality sinks in and I realize that I can't. Atleast not for awhile. I hate feeling so dependent on my parents. Another thing that makes it all hard is that I dont have my drivers license. I live in the city, so public transit was easier and cheaper, but it isnt so convenient with a baby now. I need to get my license, and do a lot of things....but it just seems so far away, and I feel so overwhelmed- I dont even know where to start. I dont have a job or go to school, so I basically feel like I am going nowhere right now. I want to make money on my artwork, but dont know where to start on that either. And I want to get a part-time job, but I would like to wait till I am done nursing. I know that I just need to be strong and get through this, and its going to be hard- but I feel like by being so dependent on people, that it is holding me back. I just want to be self sufficient for my daughter and I. Any type of support would be greatly appreciated...I just feel like I am at the end of my rope right now. [/qb]
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Old 09-25-2004, 11:34 PM   #9
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I'm in a similar situation and I'm in the process of changing it... slowly but surely. It takes a LOT of work and even more patience and inner strength, but it can be done - it HAS to be done - for your baby and for yourself. That's an important thing to not lose focus on entirely: yourself and your own personal needs.

Someone suggested that you start by accomplishing the things that you CAN first (like getting your driver's license) and that's good advice. Being able to drive (legally) opens up possibilities for you. For example, you can offer to run errands for your parents (grocery store, post office, etc.) in exchange for them letting you stay there. Then you (and your parents) will feel like you are doing something for the overall good of the family and not just freeloading, which you are NOT doing. You and your baby are welcome guests in their home, until you make it YOUR home too (even if it's a temporary one) by contributing what you can while you are there.

Believe me, it will make you feel better and they won't feel like you are using them and their hospitality as a "stepping stone" just to get where you really want to be. You aren't going to live there forever, but for the time that you do spend there it needs to be as positive and peaceful for everyone as possible. Especially for your baby. Remember, she is learning from you how to treat her parent(s) by the way she sees you interact with your own parents.

There are other options, too. Local community colleges often have flea markets or swap meets one Satuday or Sunday each month. You might be able to take some of your artwork there as samples and then take orders for designs (you can charge more for custom work or special requests).

Artists, by nature, are gifted and creative. Use your talent in unusual ways. Ask a school if you can paint a mural on the handball court (or any big wall space) - the bigger, the better. People will see it - lot's of people! And someone is bound to ask who the artist is. Things work in strange ways sometimes. Who knows... you might be in line at the DMV to get you license when someone asks you about the _____ you are holding (picture, painting, whatever your art form is) and ask you if you to do more on a regular basis for money. ALWAYS CARRY AROUND A PIECE OF YOUR ART EVERYWHERE YOU GO! You are your own best salesperson.

I'm assuming you have access to a computer and the internet, since you participated in this forum. Try searching for art contests which are open to novices (some offer scholarships!). Imagine how proud you will be if you land something major for yourself. And those around you will gain renewed respect for you as well.

It's difficult to get respect sometimes as a single parent. Other people have a million different opinions of us (some not so nice) so we have to work even harder to earn the repect we deserve. Yeah, I know, it's not fair, but you'll feel better knowing that you have personally done ALL that you possibly can to improve life for yourself and your child. Every step counts.

Good luck, and God bless you and your family.
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Old 10-07-2004, 05:53 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by DayDreamer:
[qb] Hey guys-
I am fairly new to this site.
I need to vent. I'm SO sick of living with my parents- but I feel trapped. I HAVE to live here now because I dont have the means to live on my own. The house we live in is way too small for the amount of people living in it- resulting in absolutly no privacy. Sometimes I dream about just running away to Florida (where I was looking at going away to school before I got preg.) and living there...but then reality sinks in and I realize that I can't. Atleast not for awhile. I hate feeling so dependent on my parents. Another thing that makes it all hard is that I dont have my drivers license. I live in the city, so public transit was easier and cheaper, but it isnt so convenient with a baby now. I need to get my license, and do a lot of things....but it just seems so far away, and I feel so overwhelmed- I dont even know where to start. I dont have a job or go to school, so I basically feel like I am going nowhere right now. I want to make money on my artwork, but dont know where to start on that either. And I want to get a part-time job, but I would like to wait till I am done nursing. I know that I just need to be strong and get through this, and its going to be hard- but I feel like by being so dependent on people, that it is holding me back. I just want to be self sufficient for my daughter and I. Any type of support would be greatly appreciated...I just feel like I am at the end of my rope right now. [/qb]
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Old 10-21-2004, 07:13 PM   #11
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DayDreamer
i think most said it. when my wife left i had to learn to do so many things that she did. i learned and so can you. as for the things you want to do. i think DON said it,,, small steps it what it might take, it did for me. also write them down and then do them one at a time and cross them off after you compleat then. this will help build support for your self and proving to your self that you can do things on your own. you can get where you want to go, you might have to take more steps than the average person, but you will get there if you really try.
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