Wild Dancing Thanksgivng Turkey i think ive snapped - Single Parents Forum: Single Family Voices
All forums, topics and discussions are geared to single parents and the issues faced with single parenting.
Support a single parent today and one will support you back!
         


Go Back   Single Parents Forum: Single Family Voices >
(``'·.¸(``'·.¸ Single Parenting - Issues ¸.·'´´)¸.·'´´)
> Stay @ Home Single Parents


~ Donate Today ~ PLEASE
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-02-2010, 08:49 AM   #1
Jamie's_Mum Female
English & proud

 
Jamie's_Mum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: England
Posts: 1,700
Rep Power: 129
Jamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond repute
Angry i think ive snapped

I think ive snapped, i woke up this morning feeling extremely angry. Im sick to death of being on my own, im sick to death of not being able to do anything coz i have my son with me 24/7, i called my ex and he didnt answer so i left him a messsge on his voicemail telling him what a selfish arsehole he is, that he better get his finger out of his arse and start doing his bit with our son so that i can actually have a life outside these 4 walls

He gets to go out whenever he wants to do whatever he wants. Does he ever give me the night off an have jamie for the night? Nah, he just takes him for maybe a couple of hours once a week through the week, well that aint good enough.

I Sometimes think he does it on purpose so that i cant meet anyone else but he can go and hang out with little floozies whenever he wants. I feel like he's just left me here to rot, how dare he? How ______ dare he???

I know i sound like a raving looney but i dont care, ive just snapped with the cabin fever. Ive genuinely had enough
Jamie's_Mum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 09:17 AM   #2
Re-Mom Female
Mainiac

 
Re-Mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Maine
Posts: 6,225
Rep Power: 318
Re-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: i think ive snapped

HUGS I can feel your pain right through the screen. You haven't gone ______ nuts, I know that feeling all too well. Unfortunately, you need to stop hoping you can rely on him for a break. Stop bothering with him, he can't be changed. Somehow you are going to have to figure out how to make your days good ones for you and your son...and that includes finding a way to have some alone time or get out with your son.

I know it sucks, believe me, I think we've all had that feeling of ready to snap, suffocating, claustrophobia, etc. like it is a life sentence..... but it doesn't have to be. You are the only one that can change it though, there is no way to change the people around you to make it better. I bet your ex loved that call in some sort of sick way. He's got you under his control right now even though you don't see him....don't let that happen. Take control of your life, it WILL feel a LOT better once you do!

Make some changes, schedule your days with outtings even if it is just meeting a friend for coffee or walking a local mall together. Hit a park, let him play and get yourself some adult conversation.

I can't remember how close your family is, I'm thinking your parents are a couple hours ride away?


This all being said, does he have court ordered visitation? Are there times he is supposed to be taking him? Going to be hard to force him to take him and in the end, do you really want him gone overnight with somebody who clearly doesn't want to have him overnight? I highly doubt you would handle that too well, you'd be going just as crazy wanting to go pick him up.
Re-Mom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 09:28 AM   #3
muskiedad Male
the one who babbles

 
muskiedad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: ontario
Posts: 6,125
Rep Power: 304
muskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: i think ive snapped

Ahhh yes, cabin fever! It happens and you are not alone. I think the first thing is that where is the legal standing? Support/custody and related matters? If the father only sees him a couple of hours a week, is it a set time? Or at his whim? Perhaps setting up confirmed times would help alleviate this.
As for doing it to prevent you from going out......it may well be so........but I will bet it's something else....he just doesn't care! If he were to take your son so you could go out, it would mean he was "stuck", and your ex probably doesn't want to be "stuck" so he won't do it. Your going out is secondary to your exs ability to retain the ability to go out spontaneously.
It is hard, I 've got 3 and asking someone to watch all 3 for a length of time is hard. So one must pick the times carefully. But you are not a lunatic. Just angry, frustrated and feeling boxed in. Calling your ex and raving though will not inspire him to help.
Slow down, make a list of what you would like, and make sure you have legal backing.
muskiedad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 09:31 AM   #4
Jamie's_Mum Female
English & proud

 
Jamie's_Mum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: England
Posts: 1,700
Rep Power: 129
Jamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: i think ive snapped

There is no court ordered visitation, he just comes to pick my son up once a week, usually Thursday when he gets paid, brings him back after a couple of hours, either that or he wants to come and sit in my house and see him, an idea im definatley not fond of

My mother doesnt live too far away but we have a very strained relationship, in other words she's very petty and if i say the wrong thing or use the wrong tone of voice she wont speak to me for weeks.

My son goes to school 2 days a week just for 3 hours in the morning, thats all i can afford

I dont really have any friends round here, its a small town and people always move on.

I just cant catch a break, im destined to be stuck in this house alone forever.

Im just so angry, like, how dare he have a life while im stuck here. Im gonna be alone forever, something could happen to me and who the ____ would even notice. What can i do? Im so fed up, im so alone. I hate it and ive had enough, i just cant take it anymore
Jamie's_Mum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 09:36 AM   #5
Re-Mom Female
Mainiac

 
Re-Mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Maine
Posts: 6,225
Rep Power: 318
Re-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: i think ive snapped

Kayleigh, time to pull up the boot straps. If you believe you are destined well then, yup, you're going to be. I don't think you believe that for a second though. You need to get out and meet people. If need be, skip the school hours and do a mommy and me thing instead so that you can at least meet some other moms/dads that you can get out and about with, with kids. Do you work during his school hours?

you need to turn this feeling around and use all this negative energy that's pent up inside of you to make positive changes in your life. Easier said than done when you're in the midst of "ick" but you CAN do it. Heck, you will because you're a mom and quite honestly, you really have no choice if you want any sort of sanity for yourself and your son!
Re-Mom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 09:53 AM   #6
Jamie's_Mum Female
English & proud

 
Jamie's_Mum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: England
Posts: 1,700
Rep Power: 129
Jamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: i think ive snapped

No i dont work when he's at school, kinda wish i had a job just for adult conversation. But there just isnt any jobs, id have to travel for work and just couldnt afford to.

I feel like screaming into a pillow and tearing my hair out. I feel so helpless and alone
Jamie's_Mum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 10:21 AM   #7
Re-Mom Female
Mainiac

 
Re-Mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Maine
Posts: 6,225
Rep Power: 318
Re-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: i think ive snapped

What about volunteering while he's at school, maybe in an elementary school... offer to do some office work, heck it might get you some paying work there once your foot is in the door. Substituting can bring in some good cash, just difficult with a child that isn't in full-time school yet, maybe substituting at a daycare or preschool. Yeah I know, kids kids and more kids, but there are also teachers and parents there, just thinking outloud here. If you could do something like that you could have built-in childcare.

You're definitely in a rut with no job, no money to put him into child care, etc. I remember that feeling. With three the cost of childcare was outrageous, I basically had to be making 40K to make the daycare bill and the other bills.

Do you have access to subsidized daycare there? i'd just walk the streets looking for some sort of work, whether it be in retail, cleaning houses, something to get you out and have your own thing where you drop the baby off and go.
Re-Mom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 10:45 AM   #8
Jamie's_Mum Female
English & proud

 
Jamie's_Mum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: England
Posts: 1,700
Rep Power: 129
Jamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: i think ive snapped

Ive been to the jobcentre and spoke to a lone parent advisor, this is basically what she said

If i work part time i will keep all my benifits (rent paid, income support) i would also get 80% of my childcare payed for. Buy they wouldnt help me with travel costs. Also they would let me keep the first £20 i make a week, after that they would give the rest of my wage to the government because i get government benifits

So basically if i got a job id only be £20 better off, thats all id get paid, and id STILL have to pay travel fee's (a ticket to the nearest town which lasts for a week is almost £30) plud id still have 20% of child care costs to pay (childcare is almost £4 per hour) it just wouldnt be worth it, id be worse off financially than i am now

If i got a full time job id lose all benifit, id have no help with childcare costs. I would maybe earn £250 a week, £80 of it would be rent, childcare would cost a fortune coz not only would it be like 35-40 hours a week but my travel would also take an hour each way so thats another 2 hours a day to add on to childcare

Honestly people wonder why there are so many people on welfare in Britain, well there you have it, your worse off financially if you work. How sad is that?
Jamie's_Mum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 10:59 AM   #9
idig Female
SFV JUNKIE!!!

 
idig's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Alabama
Posts: 6,665
Rep Power: 306
idig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: i think ive snapped

Well, according to the politicians there that is going to change soon. Would be nice if they actually do it, aid people in working instead of making it impossible to work.

That doesn't help you right now, however.

Re-mom is right, you need to volunteer or find something that gets you out with people, gives you something to accomplish no matter how little a thing it is. Not working or volunteering or anything takes a huge emotional toll. Too much time alone with our own thoughts, devastating to self esteem to have nothing to work toward or accomplish.

I whole heartedly agree with Re-mom about turning that energy away from him. It is understandable why you feel as you do, but those feelings are perpetuating your unhappiness. You must find a way for YOU to make your quality of life better (and I don't mean financially so much). Seek a life, build a life. Get around people through volunteering or a class, anything. Just take a step, any step, and the next step will be easier, I promise.

There are always reasons why not. The difference comes in finding a how no matter what.

Hugs to you!
__________________
Sure as night will follow day. Most things I worry about. Never happen anyway. ~ Tom Petty
idig is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 11:29 AM   #10
Re-Mom Female
Mainiac

 
Re-Mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Maine
Posts: 6,225
Rep Power: 318
Re-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: i think ive snapped

Yes idig! Take a step, even a tiny one. Idig is right, no matter how small the step is each one will get easier and you'll be running leaps before you know it!
Re-Mom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 04:41 PM   #11
sweetlady19 Female
I am New
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 5
Rep Power: 0
sweetlady19 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: i think ive snapped

Kayleigh, oh hunny, I totally know how you feel. I have my daughter 24/7 too, and feel that I never get any "me" time. Her father hasn't seen her in over two years; why does he get off scott-free and I have to do everything by myself??? Trust me, I get angry too, at times. But then, I realize that maybe things are better the way they are. I know that it's rough and you may feel angry, frustrated, upset, maybe like "what the ____, why me", but keep your head up and stay strong for your son. Have you considered getting some professional help? Maybe talking to someone about your feelings will be beneficial. Anyway, I don't ramble on here, but STAY STRONG, things will improve. I do completely, 100% know how you feel!!! Take care of you and your son!
sweetlady19 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 05:26 PM   #12
calooa Female
Finding my way

 
calooa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Northwest
Posts: 1,494
Rep Power: 151
calooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: i think ive snapped

Kayleigh, my heart breaks for you right because because I can relate all too well to your struggle. I like the idea of volunteering at the preschool your son attends. It is a great way to get to know some of the other parents. I also like the idea of you taking that time to go for a walk or run, stop at a library or bookstore to read (it's free) and just relax. I know the weather might keep you from doing some things outside, and I'm not that familiar with your town, but if you have a shopping center or mall, you could go there, do some window shopping and walk around for exercise.

Is the ex paying any kind of child support??
calooa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 05:42 PM   #13
Jamie's_Mum Female
English & proud

 
Jamie's_Mum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: England
Posts: 1,700
Rep Power: 129
Jamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: i think ive snapped

Yes he pays child support

The nearest shopping centre from me is a 30 minute bus ride away. This is such a small town we have 2 grocery shops, 5 pubs, a charity shop and a library which i cant go in coz i owe them money for a book i forgot to take back on time.

Its been raining really hard so not exactly too keen on venturing out too far.

Although i forgot to mention, i was supposed to be going to my first ever parents group tomorrow but when i woke up this morning i realized there was nobody to watch my son, i think this may have added to or even fueled my rage this morning. However when i called them this afternoon to tell them my situation they told me they would fit him into the cresh so that i can still make it. That cheered me up! I get to meet some new people tomorrow!
Jamie's_Mum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 05:58 PM   #14
muskiedad Male
the one who babbles

 
muskiedad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: ontario
Posts: 6,125
Rep Power: 304
muskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: i think ive snapped

2 stores and 5 pubs? LOL Sorry, I thought it was funny. Pray it isn't the Rover's Return? LOL
muskiedad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 06:15 PM   #15
LSL Female
The blunt one;)


 
LSL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Somewhere on the left coast
Posts: 11,334
Rep Power: 410
LSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: i think ive snapped

Okay, one thing that has not been pointed out.... if you call him and call him an arsehole and yell, and freak --- what incentive does he have to try and cooperate with you? You dig yourself a bigger hole by being an unpleasant person. You have to stop that. You need to take some ownership........ I don't care how small your town is, a walk outside, a trip to the library, even if you sit there and people watch, is better than turning yourself into a loon and burying yourself at home.
__________________
“If your expectations aren’t to be the best, then… you know, nobody rises to low expectations.” - Chip Kelly, coach of Oregon Football.
LSL is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 06:36 PM   #16
Jamie's_Mum Female
English & proud

 
Jamie's_Mum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: England
Posts: 1,700
Rep Power: 129
Jamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: i think ive snapped

I suppose you've never lost your temper LSL, and i suppose you'd rather walk around in the pissing down rain than sit at home in front of the fire. But thanks for your ''support'' eh, guess ''unpleasent'' people like me dont deserve support. Guess i'll just give myself a shake and pull myself together coz its thar easy eh
Jamie's_Mum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 06:45 PM   #17
LSL Female
The blunt one;)


 
LSL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Somewhere on the left coast
Posts: 11,334
Rep Power: 410
LSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: i think ive snapped

And that is an example right there... I was not attacking you. I actually don't disagree that you should not be upset... I wanted to address the fact that if you want to garner cooperation with him, that random calls to him screaming at him is going to drive him further away. It's not productive. I never called you unpleasant; I cautioned you from being an unpleasant person... there is a huge difference. Screaming, losing ones temper gives the other person the power over you. For instance, I could take offense at what you just said and decide, "Hey, unless I am going to post something that kayleigh agrees with, I won't post anything at all" and not be open, honest, and truthful --- giving you ALL perspective. However, I also recognize that you are hurting. You have got to get out of the phase of looking for a fight, or you might just end up alone in the end. And I know you don't want that. Sometimes support comes in the form of bluntness said with caring and love. If I didn't care, I would not respond.
__________________
“If your expectations aren’t to be the best, then… you know, nobody rises to low expectations.” - Chip Kelly, coach of Oregon Football.
LSL is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 06:51 PM   #18
Tazie Female
Board Blazen Parent
 
Tazie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 419
Rep Power: 100
Tazie has a brilliant futureTazie has a brilliant futureTazie has a brilliant futureTazie has a brilliant future
Default Re: i think ive snapped

Kay I think u need a break from your life but I have no idea how u can get it. Where are your parents can the sit for you for a night so you can relax and go out and mingle with adults?
Tazie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 07:15 PM   #19
Jamie's_Mum Female
English & proud

 
Jamie's_Mum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: England
Posts: 1,700
Rep Power: 129
Jamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: i think ive snapped

You dont have to agree with what i say or what i do, i know everybody is entitled to their opinion, i just though it came across as quite rude ''i dont care how small your town is just get out there'' your basically telling me my problem is trivial and that its soooo easy to just go out there and get on with life, if it were thst easy do you think id be sitting here alone?

Fair enough if you didnt care you wouldnt respond, i get that, but your post sounded to me like you where sayinv 'oh just pull yourself together'' if i could just do that then i wouldnt be sitting here posting about my problem

It sounded very harsh, i dont need people being harsh with me right now
Jamie's_Mum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 07:21 PM   #20
LSL Female
The blunt one;)


 
LSL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Somewhere on the left coast
Posts: 11,334
Rep Power: 410
LSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: i think ive snapped

I appreciate that you interpreted it that way, but it was not intended that way at all. Perception -- how you are perceiving things is skewed a bit. I do not think your problem is trivial or unimportant. Other posters said to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, which basically is the same thing, different metaphor. Honey, we are all on your side. I KNOW it's hard, believe me, I have been there. But you have to push yourself out and look for things, no matter how small. People are limited only by their own thinking..... that was really my point. The town may be small, but there is a town, so there is opportunity.

There is a difference, a large one, between bluntness and harshness.
__________________
“If your expectations aren’t to be the best, then… you know, nobody rises to low expectations.” - Chip Kelly, coach of Oregon Football.
LSL is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 07:28 PM   #21
idig Female
SFV JUNKIE!!!

 
idig's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Alabama
Posts: 6,665
Rep Power: 306
idig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: i think ive snapped

That is the trouble with the written word, it is impossible to know the tone sometimes. LSL has struggled with getting outside her 4 walls at times too (as have most of us at one time or another), so I really don't think she meant to be unsympathetic.

Anyway, you have an opportunity you are taking advantage of tomorrow and I hope you enjoy it very much! What exactly is a memory box? Post a picture when you are finished, we'd love to see it!
__________________
Sure as night will follow day. Most things I worry about. Never happen anyway. ~ Tom Petty
idig is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 07:45 PM   #22
Jamie's_Mum Female
English & proud

 
Jamie's_Mum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: England
Posts: 1,700
Rep Power: 129
Jamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: i think ive snapped

Well then i apologize LSL, like idig said its hard to sense a tone when your reading what somebody has wrote. I admit that lately i have been a bit oversensitive, but surely thats normal in these circumstances?

Idig yes im looking forward to tomorrow! Basically i think what we are doing is (over 6 weeks) building a box or perhaps decorating a box and its to put all our.''memory'' items inside, so i would put in my sons ankle tag from when he was born, his splints that he had to wear in his arms after his operation, cards from his 1st birthday, that kind of thing. Its like an art project i think, we get to paint and decorate the boxes ourelves. Im not sure how that will take 6 weeks though so there must be other stuff we do. I'll ley you know how it goes and maybe get some photos!

And tazie i dont get along too well with my mother, she will babysit for me if i desperately need to go shopping but thats pretty much it. Her view is that coz she never had help when i was a baby then why should she help anyone. Im sure most normal people would say ''of course i'll help coz i know from experience how hard it is'' but not my mother, if she had to struggle then so should everyone else
Jamie's_Mum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 08:09 PM   #23
Tazie Female
Board Blazen Parent
 
Tazie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 419
Rep Power: 100
Tazie has a brilliant futureTazie has a brilliant futureTazie has a brilliant futureTazie has a brilliant future
Default Re: i think ive snapped

That's so sad, hopefully u make some friends tomorrow and eventually you all can share a sitter or something and then you can get some free time. I hope your son's dad wises up and helps you more with your pumpkin. Try to stay positive, maybe one day mom will come around.
Tazie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 09:29 PM   #24
Bluemoon Female
just an old hippie chick

 
Bluemoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: In the Mountains
Posts: 8,583
Rep Power: 361
Bluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: i think ive snapped

Aww, Kayleigh, we all know how you feel. No-one is making light of your problem or telling you to "suck it up."
The thing is, nothing changes if nothing changes.
I could tell you how it's been for me, but I don't want to make it like some kind of comparison. Just trust me, I can relate.
I'll tell ya this much, we have one grocery, no pubs and about 5000 cows, .

Maybe Idig can post a pic for me of what the men around here look like, she saw an example recently and I don't know how to put a pic in a post.

So, while your frustration is absolutely understandable, to our experience, the only way out of it is to change things up as best you can and allow time to go by and work it's magic. I'll bet a year from now you'll be thinking, "If anyone had told me a year ago that I'd be doing this today, I'd have told them they were out of their mind!"

I think the parents group thing you are talking about is a GREAT idea! Also, remember that your boy will be going to school in just a couple years (?). I know that sounds like forever away right now, but you'll be amazed how fast it goes.

Then you'll be wanting your "baby" back, . We all do!

Take heart, I absolutely remember feeling exactly like you do. It will get better.
__________________
Never grow a wishbone, Daughter, where your backbone ought to be. Clementine Paddleford


To disagree, one doesn't have to be disagreeable. ~Barry M. Goldwater and Jack Casserly, Goldwater


Life is all about how you handle Plan B. ~ off a Blue Mountain Arts calendar
Bluemoon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 10:48 PM   #25
Re-Mom Female
Mainiac

 
Re-Mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Maine
Posts: 6,225
Rep Power: 318
Re-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: i think ive snapped

and into that memory box should go something about YOU aside from motherhood Like YOUR favorite thing to do, your favorite memory from childhood, your favorite memory from before you were a mom and even fav memory from after. Think outside of the "I'm nothing but mom to ____" because until you find YOU again, you will not be fully happy with your life.

I think right now you think you are mom to___ Ex to ___ but who are YOU Kayleigh, don't lose sight of that girl, person, character you were and still are, just have lost for a bit! btw it took me years of having that girl hidden away so far that I didn't remember her. I think i went back 20 years within the first year of being divorced and a single mom. I used to think it was kind of sad and strange how different of a person I became, a shell really. NOW, now when I look back "scary" is the word that comes to mind. i had no clue one could become soooo detached from who they are without even knowing.
Re-Mom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2010, 12:12 PM   #26
Virgo69 Female
A Cuddly Porcupine

 
Virgo69's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: pennsylvania
Posts: 1,179
Rep Power: 142
Virgo69 Has Heart and Soul of an AngelVirgo69 Has Heart and Soul of an AngelVirgo69 Has Heart and Soul of an AngelVirgo69 Has Heart and Soul of an AngelVirgo69 Has Heart and Soul of an AngelVirgo69 Has Heart and Soul of an AngelVirgo69 Has Heart and Soul of an AngelVirgo69 Has Heart and Soul of an AngelVirgo69 Has Heart and Soul of an AngelVirgo69 Has Heart and Soul of an AngelVirgo69 Has Heart and Soul of an Angel
Default Re: i think ive snapped

okay Kayleigh, let me move into supportive mode and try to the best of my ability to not sound harsh (I'm not always diplomatic, though well-intended).

I have been on my own since my pregnancy. I have watched the sperm donor of my child continue in his destructive and abusive patterns of behavior with a pair of sisters who are to put it midly unsavory people.

That being said, my parents are supportive in the sense that they have allowed my girl and I to spend as much time as needed in their home, have helped me to replace my transportation with something reliable and child appropriate, in addition to helping me with some legal fees that I could not pay. But they have their limits and that is something that I constantly stuggle with, so I understand your feelings of bitterness and isolation at being left "holding the bag".

Here is the thing, that bag is a child, a life that you decided to take responsibility for. I know at the time if it is our fist child, we really are clueless at to the full emotional, physical, and financial toll this will take on any human being until the years continue to pass and our patience continues to deplete with no signs of being able to refuel.

I understand your resources are limited at that makes it feel like you are stuck in this hamster wheel of anger, resentment, and unhappiness. But there comes at time when you need to find a way to refocus that anger and reflect on the positives.

Here are the positives I see in your situation.

1. you have a comrehensive assistance program that is allowing you to remain in an independent living situation. far better than that available here in the states.

2. you receive child support.

3. the father at least shows up on payday and makes albeit a small gesture of participation. at least there is some effort on his part but not enough that interfers with your parenting/schedule. Be thankful for this, many here have more grief than good that comes from the other parent trying to participate in the kid's life.

4. You have a happy, healthy child and you are healthy. Maybe you are not happy, but the importance of health is something you don't see until it is compromised.

5. Nothing stays the same. Your child will get older and if you spend these precious years focusing on reeming "dad" out because things are not going the way you want or need them too, you may miss out on the whole thing.

I hope this will help you to take some positive steps forward. And I do recommend some counseling. It sounds like without an outlet to vent, you will only drive yourself bonkers. (I did participate in quite a bit of counseling to learn how to be thankful for what I have and frankly, even the sperm donor of my child admits that he can only bring chaos and pain into our lives so he leaves us alone and I am more thankful than you can possible imagine that I don't have to contend with all my problems and an idiot on top of it.
__________________
Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them - Richard L. Evans
Virgo69 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2010, 12:27 PM   #27
sweetlady19 Female
I am New
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 5
Rep Power: 0
sweetlady19 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: i think ive snapped

Virgo69, nice job! I think you did well on trying to help and support Kayleigh. I don't think I can top that!
sweetlady19 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2010, 04:32 PM   #28
calooa Female
Finding my way

 
calooa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Northwest
Posts: 1,494
Rep Power: 151
calooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: i think ive snapped

Virgo69, sometimes we really do need to stop and make a list of the positives in our life because it is so easy to forget them in the craziness of our lives. Once upon a time I would list my top 5 things I was thankful for each day. I've moved away from that, and I do believe I will restart that. Hugs!!

5 Things I am Thankful for:

1. My kids love me unconditionally.
2. My family and friends are supportive and loving, even when they don't "get it."
3. I am in charge of my own life and get to make my own decisions.
4. My kids are healthy and happy.
5. I am starting on the right path to loving myself.
calooa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2010, 05:49 PM   #29
Jamie's_Mum Female
English & proud

 
Jamie's_Mum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: England
Posts: 1,700
Rep Power: 129
Jamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: i think ive snapped

Virgo, thank you for that, great post and alot for me to take on board

Calooa your idea of writing a list every day is great, might have to give that a go

And as for the counceling ive thought about it many times, even when i was still with my ex, i just find the prospect of telling somebody EVERYTHING extremely daunting, he done alot of emotional damage to me, and i feel like i would be embarrassed to actually tell ANYONE the full story of what i went through with him. Im sure if i told the whole entire story, right from day one, people would wonder why the ____ i was with him for 3 years. I know they're not there to judge, but im ashamed that i took him back so many times after the stuff he did. He messed my head up big time
Jamie's_Mum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2010, 09:31 PM   #30
Bluemoon Female
just an old hippie chick

 
Bluemoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: In the Mountains
Posts: 8,583
Rep Power: 361
Bluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: i think ive snapped

Quote:
Originally Posted by kayleigh View Post
Virgo, thank you for that, great post and alot for me to take on board

Calooa your idea of writing a list every day is great, might have to give that a go

And as for the counceling ive thought about it many times, even when i was still with my ex, i just find the prospect of telling somebody EVERYTHING extremely daunting, he done alot of emotional damage to me, and i feel like i would be embarrassed to actually tell ANYONE the full story of what i went through with him. Im sure if i told the whole entire story, right from day one, people would wonder why the ____ i was with him for 3 years. I know they're not there to judge, but im ashamed that i took him back so many times after the stuff he did. He messed my head up big time
No need for shame, Kayleigh, you are hardly the only one who kept trying and put up with more than most anyone else would.
The important thing is to get to the root of WHY you allowed yourself to be treated this or that way. Learning that is the path to freedom from it. Hugs!
__________________
Never grow a wishbone, Daughter, where your backbone ought to be. Clementine Paddleford


To disagree, one doesn't have to be disagreeable. ~Barry M. Goldwater and Jack Casserly, Goldwater


Life is all about how you handle Plan B. ~ off a Blue Mountain Arts calendar
Bluemoon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2010, 04:02 PM   #31
calooa Female
Finding my way

 
calooa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Northwest
Posts: 1,494
Rep Power: 151
calooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportcalooa Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: i think ive snapped

I know how you feel about being embarrassed telling anyone the full story of what you went thur AND I also know how healing that very thing can be. I like knowing when I see my therapist that she is there for me...just for me. I can tell her anything and she will pass no judgment on to me. Most of the time, as I am talking, I realize what I need to do before she even opens her mouth. And if you are lucky enough to get one like I have, a nice hug of kindness at the end of session recharges me. And like Bluemoon said, gettig to the root of why is huge. I'm still working on my 'why' but if I can do this, so can you girl!!!!!
calooa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2010, 08:18 PM   #32
Dad1st4boys Male
Failure is not an Option.

 
Dad1st4boys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Western Plains area
Posts: 7,570
Rep Power: 301
Dad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: i think ive snapped

The why is different for each of us. As a Male, it is way different from you ladies

I am a fixer and a giver. I have had to learn to set boundaries for me. Not for others, just me. I have been working on this for over a year and am still working at it. I will need to till I stop sucking air.
Dad1st4boys is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2010, 08:36 PM   #33
Re-Mom Female
Mainiac

 
Re-Mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Maine
Posts: 6,225
Rep Power: 318
Re-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportRe-Mom Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: i think ive snapped

the responses here are amazing, Kayleigh, I wouldn't even try to add anything. The ladies with their positive notations are right on the money. As for your "whole story" Seriously, we are all embarrassed, but letting it out and realizing that it isn't to turn red over, it is to learn from and to know how easily you landed yourself into that position with negative thinking will make you one heck of a strong character for your son to aspire to for the rest of his life. Seriously, I think as we age we realize there is no such thing as embarrassing choices and we realize that no matter what we've done that we feel is too much to say, there is probably somebody living within a mile that has done the same exact thing at one point in life. Trust me on this...you can't know it for sure where you are at in life now...but I can promise you it is true. And maybe just maybe as you get your story out you will realize exactly and specifically why and how you landed where you did and it won't feel quite so embarrassing anymore!
Re-Mom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2010, 09:39 PM   #34
strugglingalone Female
On the Board
 
strugglingalone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: saskatchewan
Posts: 79
Rep Power: 0
strugglingalone is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: i think ive snapped

wow. i thought everyone hit all the good points. if only i had the mindset i do now.
i know you will make it.
its hard not to be upset. i battle that less frequently now.............the resentment..knowng that someone gets it easier than me.
but you are that childs world.
and when he gets dropped off from school. and we hug. or when he says i love you mom. or we just snuggle. i am glad i had to do it on my own.
there are times i resent feeling so trapped, but i have prayed that GOd will send me some sort of blessing...and he has i have made a few friends that i can at least visit with and know what its like to have a child, and be the main caregiver, married or not, it has helped so much.
is there are other single moms in your workshop?
i think itd be real neat if all of us lived in one community together, cuz the advice i have recieved here has been so helpful.
just know that i and others know how it feels.
being a parent alone is tough. somedays seem so heavy. and others so bright.
strugglingalone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2010, 05:35 PM   #35
EQ08 Female
I am New
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 10
Rep Power: 0
EQ08 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: i think ive snapped

Hi I am new to the boards but just wanted to say I have felt and do feel exactly how you do..angry!! I've been separated from my ex for almost 3 yrs now, I thought I was over the anger but it keeps coming back. I'm just so angry at me for putting me in this situation...a single mom! I try so hard not to think like that but sometimes it's impossible. It's okay to feel that way but we can't let it consume us. I know easier said than done trust me! Right now I feel like it's affecting my parenting and I hate it. I agree with what all the others say and for me joining a play group has totally helped me and my son! Plus I am going to school again, not easy financially but in the long run I know it will pay off. So I guess what I'm trying to say is force (drag yourself in your jammies if you have too) yourself to get out, even just a walk to the park, it makes all the difference in the world. I allow only 2 days a week of being home all day, more and we go insane LOL Hang in there and know people are here for you! ((HUGS))
EQ08 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-27-2010, 12:42 AM   #36
24carat Female
I am New
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 5
Rep Power: 0
24carat is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: i think ive snapped

Hi Kayleigh,

That sounds really rough that his Dad is taking so little time with him. You need to have some time for yourself. I'm sorry your relationship with your Mom is rocky and that she isn't always supportive. And the job-situation just sounds dreadful! Don't be afraid to keep going to the library, though, as lots of people lose books and keep using the library.

I realize you don't know many people, but one idea that's worked for me would be to invite one of his schoolmates over for a couple of hours of "playdate." Perhaps the other Mom will want to stay the first time if your son is young, and that's great because you can get to know her, but the next time you can let her know that she is free to go and come back in 2-3 hours. Or, maybe you will never get to know her; it really doesn't matter that much. Hopefully she will reciprocate later, and a beautiful free-time slot comes into your life! As an added bonus, I get more done when my children have playmates visit. I've never even seen the Mom of the boy who lives upstairs from us, but I welcome him every time he shows up. They keep each other busy without too much bickering, and I get housework done. I find that it helps me to have these other children visit even if their parents never return the favor.

You have to be very brave to get this started. The first time you try it might not work out, so you have to keep trying. The first Mom might not clue in and pay you back, or perhaps the two children just won't care for each other, but don't give up; ask the next mom that you bump into by the school. Soon you'll have a good network going.

Good luck!
24carat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-30-2010, 11:54 AM   #37
megymae Female
I am New
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 3
Rep Power: 0
megymae is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: i think ive snapped

I have just had this same argument/discussion with my ex! It is very fusterating esp when i hear him complain about petty things in his life. I do believe part of him does this so that I cannot date and meet people. I have basically come to the conclusion that I am the sole parent with no outside help. I am not going to force him to be a parent because it is going to make him angry and bitter. I dont want that around my children. I have joined a mothers group and that has been my life saver! Also I work from home and I work harder so that I can provide more fun times for my family and I get more adult interaction with my team. Good luck finding your way. It is very hard and a daily struggle.
megymae is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2011, 05:51 AM   #38
acraisydaisy
Parent on Board
 
acraisydaisy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Victoria, BC
Posts: 149
Rep Power: 0
acraisydaisy is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: i think ive snapped

I can relate to your anger Kayleigh. I married the father of my children and I put up with him for 16 years. Mind you we did seperate twice before this last and final time. He was never involved and we lived together. He would take off and go with this friends to the movies and to golf and to the shop and work on his truck. I too lived in a small town at the time. It had a bar and a gas station, no shopping of any other kind. I didn't drive and I still don't. And he never shared his income with me either...I had my child tax that I received each month...at that time it was just me and my daughter. And all the money went to diapers and baby food. And at times he would take some of my money to pay for his gas and smokes...my parents never took my daughter very often and I was always always alone with her. I struggled a lot with my anger and I snapped on him many a times. We now have three kids together and over the years nothing changed. If I was smart back then, I would of stayed gone out of that relationship....but I wouldn't have my boys and I love them all so dearly. My children are older now and I managed through it all with my hair all intact and still sane. It was really rough though and I was always sad. My daughter is now 16.5 years old...she refuses to have any communication with her father....and he is unable to understand why because he is still very shallow. That is what these fathers lose when they don't spend quality time with their children. Their loss not yours...you will have the opportunity to teach your child to be an amazing little person that will grow up stronger because his mom was an amazing single mother.
I understand your pain and I hope that things will get better for you. I too live on an Island :P and it is often raining here as well. I prefer to call it liquid sunshine....and walk in it I grew up where it snowed for 6 months out of a year and rain is much easier then snow up to your armpits. And I don't have to shovel it!
Take care!
acraisydaisy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2011, 07:06 AM   #39
Jamie's_Mum Female
English & proud

 
Jamie's_Mum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: England
Posts: 1,700
Rep Power: 129
Jamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: i think ive snapped

Thank you acraisydaisy, i read your post and thought wow 16 years and i sense no biterness or anything like that from you, thats amazing!! Good for you for jhst getting on with things and letting your children see their father for what he really is. Great post acraisydaisy!!
__________________
Im not scared of dying i just dont want to
If i stop lying id just disappoint you
Jamie's_Mum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2011, 12:55 AM   #40
acraisydaisy
Parent on Board
 
acraisydaisy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Victoria, BC
Posts: 149
Rep Power: 0
acraisydaisy is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: i think ive snapped

Oh when the pot is stirred enough there is plenty of bitterness that can still arise. But it really does me no good to let it take center stage in my life. I am always having to make a choice about it...and many times I do fail.

Also Kayleigh...ty for your kind words
acraisydaisy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2011, 01:34 AM   #41
kamis_mom Female
I am New
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NM
Posts: 4
Rep Power: 0
kamis_mom is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: i think ive snapped

I understand how you feel, I have those moments quite often but thats when you just need to take a deep breath and remember that he is the one missing out not you.
kamis_mom is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes


Resources: youngrobin.com
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:48 AM.

Some parent places to visit:
A Single Parents
Parent Arium
Solo Parents
Single Parent Personal Ads



Go Like Us On Facebook = facebook.com/SoloParent
Go Like Us On Facebook = facebook.com/SingleParentsInformation
Powered by vbulletin

All forums, topics and discussions are geared to single parents and the issues faced with single parenting.
Support a single parent today and one will support you back!

A Community for single parents, step parents and blended families

Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use.