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Old 09-10-2010, 06:34 PM   #1
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Default im lost

Oh god i dont know what to do

This week my partner left me and i just feel like a lost puppy. He is the father of my 2 year old son.

There were major trust issues in our relationship, basically he was a compulsive liar and spent most of out 3 years together trying to get back with his ex! But no matter what he done ive always loved him and gave him chance after chance. This week everything came to a head when i found out he'd rang her again and we had a huge fight and he threw his phone at my head. Then he left and hasnt been back since. I know its over for good, he's hurt me too many times now, i cant put myself through it anymore. I know that for sure

However im terrified of being alone, i have no friendd round here for support and miss my ex like crazy, i love him to bits and cant stand the thought of him being with somebody else, that thought is killing me. Everything in my home reminds me of him, ive nevet felt so lonely and lost. I dont know what to do, i just want to cry
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Old 09-10-2010, 06:52 PM   #2
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Default Re: im lost

Then cry Kayleigh.....it's okay. Losing a relationship is like the death of something and we have to go through grieving in order to truly heal from it. I think it is perfectly healthy to cry, get angry, feel down, deny that it is happening, and to just feel lost.

Now that you found this board, you are definitely not alone anymore. There are more than a few men and women on here that have been through the same thing. While it is not quite the same as having someone live there to hug you and commiserate with you -- this board has helped a lot of people to heal and move on.
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Old 09-10-2010, 06:56 PM   #3
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Default Re: im lost

Hello and welcome. Sorry you are going through so much pain!
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Old 09-10-2010, 07:07 PM   #4
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Default Re: im lost

Thanks so much for your replies, im so glad i found this place, its nice to know im not alone. Im hurt so bad i dont know what to do, im so lonely
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Old 09-10-2010, 07:21 PM   #5
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Default Re: im lost

Welcome, Kayleigh...

As LSL mentioned, it is a healthy thing to express your feelings and emotions. Allow yourself to grieve. Let them come out, rather than keep them bottled up.

You're in good company here. We've all gone through painful emotions related to our individual circumstances...anger, sadness, feeling lost and overwhelmed. I know they still pop up for me, from time to time. I now know what to do: Don't be afraid to let it out.

It takes time to heal, and an important initiation to that process is allowing those emotions to be expressed. We're here to listen and provide support, so keep posting if you wish as you go through this.

(((HUGS to you)))
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Old 09-11-2010, 09:00 AM   #6
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Default Re: im lost

Hello and welcome.
As it has already been said, the emotions you're feeling right now, let them out. It will take time but you will heal and now you know you are not alone.
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Old 09-11-2010, 10:17 AM   #7
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Default Re: im lost

Welcome to our Hide Out. It's ok to cry here, we all get it.
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Old 09-11-2010, 10:43 AM   #8
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Default Re: im lost

Sorry to read about your situation. The huge void in our lives is something no words can describe. You are there right now, and it's not a nice place to be. As others wrote, you can come here, you are not alone. We have prob. all felt to some degree the exact same things you do right now.
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Old 09-11-2010, 01:34 PM   #9
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Default Re: im lost

I just want to say thank you so much for all your support. Today i sat and cried. I just cried and cried until i felt a bit better. I took my son out for the day so that i wouldnt be sitting home alone dwelling on things. Another hard thing that i didnt mention in my original post was that on monday we were supposed to be going on holiday for 4 days to an adventure park, so now i have to stay busy all week to take my mind off what could of been. Im getting headache's from the stress of it all and am barely sleeping or eating
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Old 09-11-2010, 02:28 PM   #10
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Default Re: im lost

Sorry I'm late.....Welcome!

We have all been through the emotions you are dealing with. Allow yourself time to process it all and grieve. It does get better...but there is no way through it but through it.
This is a great place to talk about it all.
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Old 09-11-2010, 06:44 PM   #11
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Default Re: im lost

Im scared that i will never move on and get over it, despite everything i love the guy to bits, im just trying to focus on that saying ''once you hit rock bottom you have nowhere else to go but up''
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Old 09-11-2010, 08:43 PM   #12
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Default Re: im lost

Kayleigh....I know it hurts and that you love him. Soon I hope however that you will see that if he going behind your back all this time with an ex g/f, I hope you will see that you will love yourself, and have enough self esteem to see you are worth so much more than what he gave. You love him.....but remember, from what you describe, you did the giving here, and he did the taking. I hope, truly hope you will see that you don't have to settle for this......and that the hurt will pass and that no telephone throwing man is worth this.
That is not said to diminish in any way the pains you feel, or to make them seem out of place. Your feelings are real, and acute. Over time you will heal. It takes time. It hurts. Lots of false starts along the way.....but you will get there. Honest.
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Old 09-11-2010, 11:44 PM   #13
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Default Re: im lost

Well your not lost now, are you?
Welcome. take some time and read some of the posts from us who have been there, done that.
as for your man, well there is not much anyone can say that would be nice. maybe it's Gods way of letting you know that there is someone better out there waiting for you.


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Old 09-12-2010, 06:29 PM   #14
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Default Re: im lost

Quote:
Originally Posted by kayleigh View Post
Im scared that i will never move on and get over it, despite everything i love the guy to bits, im just trying to focus on that saying ''once you hit rock bottom you have nowhere else to go but up''
You absolutely will ge tover it. You'll see how wonderful it is in the world without him and all those worries. Sooner or later you'll just love being mom and son and at that point you'll be able to open yourself up to other people. You first need to figure out how to be YOU again, from what it sounds like, he sort of snagged that away from you and your focus was on pleasing him and keeping him focused on the relationship. It is not supposed to be that way.
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Old 09-19-2010, 06:08 PM   #15
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Default Re: im lost

Wow im so thankful for all your kind words, it feels great to know that there are people out there that really care and know exactly what im going through so can give me good advice, you are all genuinely nice people and i am so happy i found this site

Well on wednesday i will see my ex for the first time, he's just moved into his own place so is having our son stay over, im dreading seeing him, but my plan is to make myself look confident and happy, i refuse to let hin see me down, he's the kind of guy who would take advantage and try and sweet talk me into taking him back, and i want to make sure that doesnt happen.

My main problem is that i dont want him back because i know he's so wrong for me, but at the same time i kinda dont want anyone else to have him. I know that sounds unreasonable but thats just how i feel.
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Old 09-19-2010, 06:15 PM   #16
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Default Re: im lost

Hi Kayleigh-
I missed your post originally, so welcome. I'm so sorry for what you're going through but I'm sure you realize now that you've come to a great place.
Now first, on Wednesday, stay strong when you see him. Keep the exchange of your son REALLY brief- drop him off, give him the bare essentials of information about your son (when he's eaten, napped, how he's feeling, etc) and confirm the pick up time and be on your way. DON'T let him engage you by either sweet talking or picking a fight. It sounds like your feelings for him are too strong at this point to handle it any other way- and you are starting to realize that you're better without him.
And don't beat yourself up about the way you're feeling about not wanting him to be with anyone else. Like I said, your feelings are still strong and you're still hurt. It takes a lot more time than what you've had to move on.
Take care!
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Old 09-19-2010, 07:20 PM   #17
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Default Re: im lost

Thank you mama swan for your advice on how to handle wednesday, your right, i need to keep things as brief as possible, i dont want to be sweet talked by him (believe me, my ex could charm the knickers off a nun) i know that my feelings for him are really strong at the min and that hanging around him would make me doubt my decisions, im gonna hold my head high and let him think im over it
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Old 09-19-2010, 07:26 PM   #18
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Default Re: im lost

Good! I think Mommaswan had the perfect advice. I have to say the wonderful thing here is that even amid all of this you two seem to be working together to keep your son happy and seeing both parents HUGE KUDOS to YOU!
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Old 09-20-2010, 12:13 AM   #19
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Default Re: im lost

I love the Brit's....."Knickers off a Nun" ....
Just stick to the business of the child and you'll do fine.
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Old 09-20-2010, 02:56 AM   #20
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Default Re: im lost

K, wow you sound just like I did ( and still do sometimes) My ex left 8 months ago and left me with 3 kids 9, 6, and 1. I was devestated ( he is also dating my ex bff, who lives right across the street from us ) Just some extra icing for the cake I suppose.

Even 6 weeks ago I was still feeling as though I was NEVER going to move on , that the tears and pain would NEVER stop. Guess what? They do! I am no where near perfect but I don't spend every waking moment thinking about him anymore.

When I do miss him instead of thinking about all the what ifs and happy moments. I now think about all the reasons we aren't together!! The lies, the cheating, the emotional and verbal abuse etc.....He doesn't seem as appealing when I look at it that way. This is a hard process nad I thought it would never end, but it does eventually get easier!!! I promise.

I haven't been on the boards long but am so thankful I found this site there are so many similar stories and such great advice. Hang in there, keep visits with him brief especially since your feeling are so strong. I saw my ex today it still tugs at the heart strings but the tears didn't flow and that I am extremely grateful for!
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Old 09-20-2010, 08:50 AM   #21
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Default Re: im lost

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dad1st4boys View Post
I love the Brit's....."Knickers off a Nun" ....
Just stick to the business of the child and you'll do fine.
That was spectacular, I grinned in a giant way when I read that!
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Old 09-20-2010, 09:29 AM   #22
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Default Re: im lost

Hey well theres been an unexpected incident.

Guess who knocked on my door at 4:30 this morning?? Yep the ex.

He had been drinking and was crying begging me to let him in and talk. I only let him in coz it was pissing it down outside, now im angry with myself for letting him in, now he's messed with my head and im all over the place.

He came in crying and telling me he loved me and that i didnt deserve the way he treated me, that he knows he took me for granted and that he cant imagine his life without me. He was promising to change and saying he would do anything to have me back, he promised he would get rid of his phone to help me trust him. I ended up crying because when we were together i hated him with that phone, he was so sneaky with it.

I stuck by my guns though and told him that he should have done all this when we were together, that if he loved me so much he would have tried instead of constantly telling me what a let down i was, he should have tried instead of running back to his ex, he should have tried before just walking out. I told him it was too late, the trust had gone a long time ago

I then started to get extremely angry, he threw a phone at my head when he left for gods sake! I got so worked up thinking about all the s**t he has done and ended up getting a little hysterical, in the end i told him ''theres the door, now jog on'' so he left

When i got up today i felt so stupid, now i have to see him wednesday with this hanging over our heads. Um so angry, he shouldnt have come round, im confused, he's started to make me think about giving it one more try. I know its not gonna happen, i cant trust him as far as i can throw him, he's just messed with my head.

I hate him for doing this to me, now i dont know my arse from my elbow.

Sorry to ramble on, i just hate that he seems to have some kind of hold over

---------- Post added at 07:29 AM ---------- Previous post was at 07:14 AM ----------

And to Dad1st4boys and SueP im glad my crazy English saying made you smile

And to gem20kbb i admire you, how ______ inconsiderate is your ex moving onto your ex bff and living across the street from you. You must be extremely tolerant, if that was me i would probably end up beating them both up . But thank you for your advice, i appreciate all the replies i get, i really do
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Old 09-20-2010, 10:09 AM   #23
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Default Re: im lost

I'm glad you stood strong, for cripes sake he threw a phone at you, don't waiver. Hey, maybe someday in time but it sounds to me he's playing head games. GEt you back, do the same thing over again, get you back, etc. etc. etc. Not worth it for you or your child. You need some stability and any sort of lack of trust prevents that.
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Old 09-20-2010, 12:20 PM   #24
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Default Re: im lost

Hi Kayleigh.

I am so sorry you're going through this right now. Your guy sounds a lot like my Ex. We dated off and on for a couple years- each time it was the "I'm so sorry, I'll never hurt you again, I will do anything to change, I love you more than anything in the world... blah, blah, blah."

I took him back repeatedly, and I even marreid the guy. We're now getting a divorce (our 13th wedding anniversary will be this December.) Infidelity was a constant issue and he finally left me (and the kids) to go bed-surfing with a harem of 20 somethings while I was going to grad school and recovering from a severe illness. (Am still recovering from the illness.)

What I can tell you is the same wisdom told to me by my friends and loved ones (that stuff I didn't listen to and sincerely regret):

"Leopards do not change their spots." "If he cheated or lied once, he'll do it again."
This is true. I put up with it for a decade and a half.

"If you'll lie, you'll cheat. If you cheat, you'll steal. If you steal, you'll kill."
This is also true. He started off lying from me. He then began cheating. This progressed to stealing (literally) from not just me but our kids as well. As for the killing, well now... The only reason he's not in jail for attempted murder is because the medical team and poison control could not identify the toxin I was poisoned with in time, and all the physical evidence was disposed of. He's going to get away with that one as well. I on the other hand, have permanent kidney, liver and heart damage. Plus, my beautiful hair is forever ruined (it all fell out and is now growing in darker, frizzy and curly.)

If this man not only lies, cheats and sneaks around behind your back, you really do not need him. However, if he throws things at your head, you are in danger. Get away and think about what you need to do to keep yourself and your children safe, in case he gets more angry and attempts physical assault.
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Old 09-20-2010, 02:00 PM   #25
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Default Re: im lost

Hello and Welcome..and I am so sorry that you have to go through this

.after reading this:..I get this strong urge that ..its just too soon..I think he is playing games..and I wouldnt let him have my child specially if he drinks....

I think that when you get a little stronger..then you can work out some type of visiting..but right now ..maybe you should take some time to grieve this and get a little stronger for both you and your child..before jumping into a visitation really he should of thought about what he was doing before he just up and left..His child..so how can he even ask to have a visiting day with your child...

I hope things get better your in the right place..to meet people who have been through what your going through..
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Old 09-20-2010, 05:54 PM   #26
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Default Re: im lost

Ive told him that wednesday wont be happening now, i cant face him, he totally kicked off saying that ive lead him on thinking he was gonna see his son and now im being awkward, i turned around and said 'yeah well you lead me on for 3 years. Maybe this is karma eh?''

I dont care what he thinks, i just hate him at the minute, he's left me here alone to cope while he's out drinking and doing god knows what with god knows who. Im the one stuck at home 24/7 with our son. I f****ng hate him for leaving

Im not gonna stop him seeing his son, simply coz my dad died when i was 18 months old, so i grew up without a dad and know how hard it can be, but i dont want my son to see us arguing, so im gonna wait til next week now, then he can take him

He thinks thats unreasonable? Yeah well walking out on me and our son is unforgivable, so i dont give a flying f**k what he thinks

My sadness has turned to pure anger and resentment
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