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Old 04-26-2011, 10:53 PM   #1
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Unhappy transitioning

I am having a hard time adapting here. If I didn't have my son, it wouldn't be so tough, I don't think, but going from a full time working single mother to a full time stay at home single mother is tough. I have no clue what to do with my son, no clue at all. I have no idea what other mothers do in the area. The weather has been bad, so going to the parks has been out of the question. I have been taking him to the indoor play area at the mall, which is helping, but that is so boring for me. I just sit there and watch him run around. And I sit there for a half hour, an hour...then what? What do we do then?

I talked to another mother who was there today to ask advice, and she said that she comes to that indoor play area a lot, and uses the local YMCA a lot. Well, I had a membership to the local Y, but it expired, and I don't want to pay $250 for another 6 months when we will be moving in two weeks.

And then when we move, then what? There are no local Y's near my mom's house. I haven't a clue right now what we will do.

I submitted two resumes today, and even got a phone call from a recruiter. It was for some positions in NYC, which I told him that I am not interested, but since I only posted my resume today, I think that is pretty good.

I think I am feeling bummed. When I was working, I hated being away from my son so much, I felt like the daycare was raising him and I only visited him on the weekends, which wasn't how it was, but that how it felt. Now, he is driving me crazy, we are always together, 24 hours per day. His daddy is taking him this weekend and I feel terrible that I am so looking forward to it. I love my son, but I am going nuts with him, and I feel terrible that I feel that way, do you know what I mean? I am always having to think of what I can do to keep him occupied, and I want to have an adult conversation with someone, not M talk, which is small child talk, you know what I mean? Maybe I am getting lonely, maybe bored, maybe I am still coping with the emotional rollar coaster from loosing my job? It was a real blow to the ego, and I had low self confidence to begin with, now I have none.

As it is, I do and I don't want to go back to work. In one way, I am bored and would like to go back to work to be self sustaining again, to be my own person again, but on the other hand, the stress was killing me when I was working before, I am so confused! Now I have to go from thiking about industry stuff to thinking about kid stuff all day every day and it is hard.

Sorry so long, but I just needed to vent. To tell the truth, I am having a hard time sorting out my feelings, I don't know what I feel, frustrated, angry, bored, even happy, all emotions are there and it is hard to come to grips with them.
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Old 04-27-2011, 05:54 AM   #2
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Default Re: transitioning

Take a deep breath. You are going to need a little time to adjust. I just went from being a working mom to a stay at home mommy. This was an adjustment. So you will be moving two weeks. I think you said you got a decent severence package. I know keeeping your son in day care for the week is out of the question. Try to see if there is a daycare that allows you to drop your child off for a day or even just couple of hours. This way you will find some time to go on interviews or fill out job applications.
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Old 04-27-2011, 10:39 AM   #3
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Default Re: transitioning

Go to the Y and pay the five or whatever to just get in. THe pool is open and if not there is the gym, or drop him off at the daycare and workout....Other than that, no suggestions...other than the library. With the weather being bad that cuts down on activities
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Old 04-27-2011, 02:15 PM   #4
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Default Re: transitioning

I understand your frustrations. I too am a single mom to a 5 yr old. I work full time, go to school part time and try to interact with my child, both fun and academic wise. His dad was gone for over a month and I did not have the weekend breaks which was difficult for me. Try and step back for a moment, regroup and focus on some short term goals. In terms of activities with your son, maybe start a puzzle you both work on for a bit, or create projects together. Lookign for a job while dealing with a small child is difficult, so perhaps ask a friend or neighbor you trust to watch him for a an hour or two, while you job search or just take a hot bath. It will get easier at some point in time, but right now you seem overwhelmed. Its ok, just know that you are doing the best you can and that is what counts.
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Old 04-27-2011, 10:39 PM   #5
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Default Re: transitioning

Thanks everybody. I was pleased to find out that my Y membership that I had thought expired, in fact does not until May 8. So I took advantage of that today. Wow, what wonders excercise does! My son spent 2 hours in the daycare and seemed totally to love it the whole time, I think he misses daycare in a way, being around other kids and all those toys. I have had a headache for the past two days and have been suffering insomnia for the past week, which is unusual for me. But last night, to try to ease the headache and cure insomnia, after my son went to bed I drew a very hot bubble bath....oh how heavanly that was! I slept like a log last night. Then this morning we went to the Y and I got a very good work out with lots of cardio, and today there has been zero headache.

Thank you all for your wonderful comments.

Now I am debating whether to move next week, or wait until my Y memebership runs out. On one hand, there is no rush to move and it would be good to wait until the membership runs out and use it all I can before it does, but on the other hand, I hate having this move hanging over my head, I just want to get it over with. Right now, I am just playing it by ear. Like I said, there is no rush.
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Old 04-28-2011, 09:28 PM   #6
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Default Re: transitioning

Two year olds are so much fun and have vivid imaginations so honestly you can do just about anything and your son will be thrilled. Here are some indoor ideas I think would be a smashing success with him:

1. Make a fort out of chairs and blankets.
2. Finger paint (even if it is just with shaving cream on the table or chocolate pudding on a paper plate)
3. Make puppets out of old socks and then put on a show!
4. Sing silly songs and dance
5. Put on his swimsuit and go for a dip in the tub...add bubbles and/or yourself for even more fun.
6. Make cookies, and let him lick the beater. (Yes, I know about raw eggs but a couple licks are fine in my opinion.)
7. Make homemade playdough...recipes easily found online.
8. Have a picnic in your livingroom. Serve sandwiches cut into triangles or small squares.
9. Wash dishes together...lots of soapy water and bubbles!!
10. Put on raingear and go outside and stomp in the puddles, float boats in the gutters, and dance in the rain.

These are all things I did with my kids when they were that age, and even do now that they are 5 and 7. They really enjoy it most when mommy is silly. Let yourself go and just have fun!!!
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Old 04-29-2011, 03:29 PM   #7
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Default Re: transitioning

I am in the exact opposite situation as you! But maybe I can help... I am a stay at home mom, have been since I was pregnant. My son is 13 months old, and I plan to go back to work when he starts pre-school. And THAT scares the heck out of me!

I can completely relate to needing "adult conversation." That part does get hard sometimes. When I can't get out, I come on here or go on Facebook and chat or call a friend...even text someone if it is all I got. If I can get out, I go out to lunch or dinner once in awhile with a friend or family member, and yes my son is usually always there with me because I don't have any other options, but the companionship keeps me sane.

As for being bored with your son, well he must be older than mine because I can't really relate to that. I am so busy with him, I wish I was bored sometimes! He hardly ever plays alone and sometimes I really wish he did, . And at his age, we have alot of routine in our life. Something is always planned from naps to eating times to baths. And that helps me feel busy and productive. I try and stay on top of house cleaning and laundry and chores and all that, even though it isn't any fun, but it helps my sanity also.

I think you are very used to your life separate from your son being separate from your life with your son (if that makes any sence?). You feel like you are losing your identity. Which is completely understandable in your new situation and mine. I felt like that in the beginning, but not anymore. You need to keep your passions and interest alive. You can't be keeping ONLY your son's interests and things he likes to do happening and alive 24/7. What about you? You will get lost in just your son and lose yourself. So get involved in things you love to do. For me, one thing I am very passionate about it art. I love to draw and always try and find some time for myself to do that. You need to keep parts of you alive too. And hopefully you will find a new, wonderful job soon! Best of luck to you!
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Old 04-29-2011, 04:16 PM   #8
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Default Re: transitioning

Quote:
Originally Posted by calooa View Post
Two year olds are so much fun and have vivid imaginations so honestly you can do just about anything and your son will be thrilled. Here are some indoor ideas I think would be a smashing success with him:

1. Make a fort out of chairs and blankets.
2. Finger paint (even if it is just with shaving cream on the table or chocolate pudding on a paper plate)
3. Make puppets out of old socks and then put on a show!
4. Sing silly songs and dance
5. Put on his swimsuit and go for a dip in the tub...add bubbles and/or yourself for even more fun.
6. Make cookies, and let him lick the beater. (Yes, I know about raw eggs but a couple licks are fine in my opinion.)
7. Make homemade playdough...recipes easily found online.
8. Have a picnic in your livingroom. Serve sandwiches cut into triangles or small squares.
9. Wash dishes together...lots of soapy water and bubbles!!
10. Put on raingear and go outside and stomp in the puddles, float boats in the gutters, and dance in the rain.

These are all things I did with my kids when they were that age, and even do now that they are 5 and 7. They really enjoy it most when mommy is silly. Let yourself go and just have fun!!!
Awesome suggestions Calooa!!!
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Old 05-01-2011, 07:00 PM   #9
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Default Re: transitioning

Quote:
Originally Posted by calooa View Post
Two year olds are so much fun and have vivid imaginations so honestly you can do just about anything and your son will be thrilled. Here are some indoor ideas I think would be a smashing success with him:

1. Make a fort out of chairs and blankets.
2. Finger paint (even if it is just with shaving cream on the table or chocolate pudding on a paper plate)
3. Make puppets out of old socks and then put on a show!
4. Sing silly songs and dance
5. Put on his swimsuit and go for a dip in the tub...add bubbles and/or yourself for even more fun.
6. Make cookies, and let him lick the beater. (Yes, I know about raw eggs but a couple licks are fine in my opinion.)
7. Make homemade playdough...recipes easily found online.
8. Have a picnic in your livingroom. Serve sandwiches cut into triangles or small squares.
9. Wash dishes together...lots of soapy water and bubbles!!
10. Put on raingear and go outside and stomp in the puddles, float boats in the gutters, and dance in the rain.

These are all things I did with my kids when they were that age, and even do now that they are 5 and 7. They really enjoy it most when mommy is silly. Let yourself go and just have fun!!!
Great suggestions!!! As far as the cookies go, I don't have to worry about the eggs bit, I don't use eggs when I make cookies, I use 1/2 mashed banana in place of each egg, one of my cary overs from my vegan days, cookies don't taste any different and they are a little more healthy, tee hee. Washing dishes together is a great idea. He WANTs to get involved with whatever I am doing but I usually don't let him because he just makes a mess, but I guess messes just clean up.

Babymama, you have a good point, I am used to having my life seperate from my son and now I have to get unused to that. I hadn't thought of it that way. Just going to take some getting used to.

Thanks for all your great suggestions!
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Old 05-01-2011, 10:37 PM   #10
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Default Re: transitioning

Quote:
Originally Posted by calooa View Post
Two year olds are so much fun and have vivid imaginations so honestly you can do just about anything and your son will be thrilled. Here are some indoor ideas I think would be a smashing success with him:

1. Make a fort out of chairs and blankets.
2. Finger paint (even if it is just with shaving cream on the table or chocolate pudding on a paper plate)
3. Make puppets out of old socks and then put on a show!
4. Sing silly songs and dance
5. Put on his swimsuit and go for a dip in the tub...add bubbles and/or yourself for even more fun.
6. Make cookies, and let him lick the beater. (Yes, I know about raw eggs but a couple licks are fine in my opinion.)
7. Make homemade playdough...recipes easily found online.
8. Have a picnic in your livingroom. Serve sandwiches cut into triangles or small squares.
9. Wash dishes together...lots of soapy water and bubbles!!
10. Put on raingear and go outside and stomp in the puddles, float boats in the gutters, and dance in the rain.

These are all things I did with my kids when they were that age, and even do now that they are 5 and 7. They really enjoy it most when mommy is silly. Let yourself go and just have fun!!!
Calooa, YOU rock, too!
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Old 05-01-2011, 10:58 PM   #11
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Default Re: transitioning

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Calooa, YOU rock, too!
Yeah, you do!!!
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Old 05-02-2011, 12:23 AM   #12
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Default Re: transitioning

ooohhh I used to have a recipe for peanut butter playdoh. If you are a germ-a-phobe probably not a good activity but as I am not it is great! You make the playdoh and then make things with it and then eat it! I will try to find the recipe
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Old 05-02-2011, 12:33 AM   #13
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Default Re: transitioning

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Originally Posted by sara1 View Post
ooohhh I used to have a recipe for peanut butter playdoh. If you are a germ-a-phobe probably not a good activity but as I am not it is great! You make the playdoh and then make things with it and then eat it! I will try to find the recipe
Oh please share that...how fun! I have a recipe for eggless banana bread that is so moist and yummy if anyone wants it, let me know!!
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