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Old 08-22-2010, 03:55 AM   #1
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I dont work because my kids are needing me more now then ever one oldest is 4 my young one is 17 months and my 4 year old is just out of control alot more then ever and my youger one hes becoming more needing to be in my arms more then he did as a new born.. I love being home and giving them my time but I have no one to talk to I dont go out I go t the gym but thats it and I am starting to feel like lonely like I cant do it anymore.. like I need time but dont have it.. there are days i feel that I dont love my kids why I dont know why I feel that way its not normal.. because I do love them.. when stuff gose down I turn around and I have just my kids to talk to well that no good to share my stress and stuff so I keep it in .. i love being home but missing somthing and needing it badly too
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Old 08-22-2010, 04:10 AM   #2
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Default Re: can I keep doing this

Have you thought about going to church?

I know that it's not for everybody, but there are community churches that are very welcoming. I am a member of a small church that has a very loose dress standard (no suites and ties) and most of the people don't know the customs that this church would normally be connected with which works out ok. It would give you and your kids a place to be around other people. If you do look into a church find a small one that is a community church and read their constitution and by laws and get to see what they think (you could also read their doctrinal statement too)

Hope this helps.
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Old 08-22-2010, 04:20 AM   #3
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Default Re: can I keep doing this

thank you but I am on the nervice side to do that I am not married when I had my first and I am speraded now with my second so it dosent look good
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Old 08-22-2010, 04:37 AM   #4
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Default Re: can I keep doing this

I am a member of a Conservative Baptist Church, if you came to the church I am at there would be no problem and no one would give it another thought. I have lots in my past that I don't bring up. If the church puts Bible teaching before traditions then it will not be a problem as the Bible is about forgiveness not about judgment.

A Southern Baptist Church that I went before this church had a pastor who had been divorced and so had his wife, this was before both had become Christians.

Churches are changing, so it is something to look into.

If you want to talk more about this let me know how to contact you on my profile page.
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Old 08-22-2010, 05:11 AM   #5
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Default Re: can I keep doing this

I concur wiht Dad shy I did post on your other posting and didnt mention it because it is not something that everyone wants to discuss. Goign to church is a very good way for you to find your way. I am and have been in church since before I can remember over 30 years now. I will be 39 next month so I am not that old . God has helped me alot and this site has given me a place to vent so that I do not feel like taking it out on my boys. Now that you are here you will find friends who will love and support you thru this. Keep your head up.
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Old 08-22-2010, 10:47 AM   #6
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Default Re: can I keep doing this

thank you to all for your wondful message
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Old 08-22-2010, 12:24 PM   #7
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Default Re: can I keep doing this

I agree with the boys here.

Someone once told me that church is for "sick" people. Now, I don't like the way it sounds when put like that, but the point they were trying to make was that church is not for "perfect" people. If we were all perfectly in line with religious beliefs, then church would be nothing more than a fancy, social circle where people go to celebrate how perfect (at least they think) they are, .
Some churches...or at least some people in churches are like that. To my experience, most are not.

When my son was little, I went to a Baptist church where we were welcomed with open arms, warts and all. I was baptised, at the age of 45, in that church.
When I moved, I got involved in a Presbyterian church and it was the same. Both were great for my son.

Thicken your skin, Shy. IMO, anyone who feels they have the right to judge another as you describe is in alot bigger trouble than they think you are, .
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Old 10-16-2010, 12:23 AM   #8
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Thumbs up Re: can I keep doing this

Quote:
Originally Posted by shy12 View Post
I dont work because my kids are needing me more now then ever one oldest is 4 my young one is 17 months and my 4 year old is just out of control alot more then ever and my youger one hes becoming more needing to be in my arms more then he did as a new born.. I love being home and giving them my time but I have no one to talk to I dont go out I go t the gym but thats it and I am starting to feel like lonely like I cant do it anymore.. like I need time but dont have it.. there are days i feel that I dont love my kids why I dont know why I feel that way its not normal.. because I do love them.. when stuff gose down I turn around and I have just my kids to talk to well that no good to share my stress and stuff so I keep it in .. i love being home but missing somthing and needing it badly too

@Shy you can do it trust me if I can you can were just built for it. Some days are harder than others but something keeps pulling us through. I understand you're feelings on not going to church I am also not married with my 3 months old son and I know it is looked down upon and I don't need to be reminded of it so I stay away. Going to the gym sounds like a plus maybe check local ads or support groups to see if there's other single parents? Friends family members something. Holding it in only leads to a explosion eventually maybe journal for 5 mins a day just to vent? Hope it works out remember you're a great mom caise you're doing what's best for your children <3
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Old 10-17-2010, 03:09 PM   #9
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Default Re: can I keep doing this

I was just thinking that maybe you could call the pastor of the church and talk with him/her about your feelings (not being married with the first and now a separated/single mom etc) They could have a support group for someone in your exact situation, plus you will get a feel for the congregation by how the pastor behaves.
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Old 10-17-2010, 05:10 PM   #10
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Default Re: can I keep doing this

I would so some looking and see if there are any sort of mother groups around, mommy and me sorts of things (some may be run through churches) Even some little things like the park, start going at a certain time of day, say hello to people. Sounds like you don't really have good friends nearby you? You need some connections with people your age, parents, etc. Its hard. We put our kids first all day everyday and then we forget who the heck we are, in the end it isn't healthy for mom or children when that happens.

I don't think you are abnormal for feeling that way. i love my kids but there have been many times I would have liked to run away. I'm here still though. It is a love/hate thingLOL I say it casually because I know just how far I'd go for them. When they are young like yours, I think it is even more difficult as you just feel so blah... doing the same thing all the time, no real conversation in the house, etc. Now that mine are older even when I am lonely I can have some GREAT conversations with my girls or their friends at dinner... it is different. They aren't adults but my brain can be stimulated. I LOVED babies, parenting tweens can suck, but I find parenting and daily life more fun each and every day as they are becoming young adults.

right now, you are in that "how will I survive another year, month, week, day mode" it can be very boring and i know I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown at times if I didn't get something different to do other than find Barney, pour juice cups, change diapers, wipe wipe wipe (faces, surfaces, etc.) UGH I clearly remember that feeling.

Also, i'd talk to your dr. I think it is worth bringing up. Some of what you are saying (without further information) sounds like depression to me... maybe life-induced-depression more than something physiological. I think it is worth mentioning and talking to him/her about. Dr. may have some other ideas for you, too, may know of some groups you could join. you've got to do something though because if you are not depressed now, if you keep this up you surely will be.

---------- Post added at 04:10 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:09 PM ----------

Oh and I think church is a great idea, but I wanted to give you other thoughts. Church wasn't my first thought, but I'm not a very religious person.
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Old 10-17-2010, 06:10 PM   #11
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Default Re: can I keep doing this

i so get what ur saying. i am pregnant and ihave a four year old. somedays i dont even talk to an adult. i started to resent parenting. i dont have alot of close friends nearby and hardly any family, my phone rings and its telemarketrs. i found through prayer and giong outside to the park helps my son and i bond. it also gives us some space cuz he is busy playing and i can enjoy the fresh air, and i am not stuck in my apartment staring at the walls. i also found it helps because i can talk to other parents that are there. and we may not have a great soul searching conversation but it reminds me that i do exist. i hvae thought about joining a church, but its finding one that suits us as a family. and openness. keep talking on here, it helps to have others know what it feels like.
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Old 10-18-2010, 10:13 AM   #12
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Default Re: can I keep doing this

REally ..a connection with others is going to make your days much easier
and I dont know about everyone else but about half of my church..have been through drugs..and single parenting..and never been married stuff before...
....really he will meet you where you are.....single mom well thats great...I attend Calvary Chapel...but like everyone has said...find a small one in your community..so that the friends you make will be near you ..

There are many other resources for finding friends or parents like you in your area..the gym the park..the library has reading hours for children...I bet there are mothers at those places..

Best of wishes..I really hope it gets better....and you'll meet some cool people to share your days with ..
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Old 10-18-2010, 03:07 PM   #13
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Default Re: can I keep doing this

I know what you mean and your not alone. My oldest is 18 months and my youngest is 2 months and im also a stay at home mom. My oldest is in daycare for most of the day to help with his development meanwhile im home alone with my daughter, it does get loney when you have no one around to help or just talk to. My church has embraced me an both my kids despite the fact that I had them out of wedlock an had them from two different guys. Reaching out to other single parents in your area maybe what you need. It will allow you to meet and also have the support you need so you dont feel as alone. Dont give up; things will get better. You just need to take a day for yourself and just relax. :-)
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