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Old 10-30-2005, 11:55 AM   #1
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angelrowdy is an unknown quantity at this point

I am 29 had my first son one week before 17th birthday,managed to be married and divorced by 18 pregnant again 19 with my girls father.after many years(9)of working out lifes problems we decided to have another baby which was hard because of female problems i have which caused me to misscarry 6 other times.Once I got preg.he ran said it was fear hed be hurt by loseing another while I had my other 2 and bed ridden he dissapeared into his life,came home after the birth and brought his criminal history back (he was on parloe and in and out of jail the whole time and had been free for 4 years)he got into trouble with drugs while he was away and is now serving 18 mo. my delima is I have raised kids all my "adult" life and survived of child support and a house my uncle bought that is almost forclosed on and now i've got 1 more kid and no support(well $200.00 month from sons dad) to stay home but no skills to work my oldest son is rebeling to the point I may be homeschooling him just because he "dont like the school" my girls want there daddy and i want to keep the lights on and keep the family from going crazy,I dont see my marrige making it and really have begin to hate him since my baby was concieved,but I still can't help feeling he abandoned me again when I needed him again,in the last month he got locked up left me a pile of debt that is major (elect. and water) that im working with,my mom tells me my father isn't who I knew and my real father is dead and my whole world keeps falling even when I see no world left.I have always been the glue in all my relationships but I still find myself alone and scared for my life.what can I do at this stage not much will power left if any.I honestly have thought about calling social services on myself but I cant abandon my kids is that selfish?I feel completly lost in the world with enemies at every map!!!!
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Old 11-02-2005, 12:54 PM   #2
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I just read this and started crying. Do you have access to a women's shelter in your community? No one should have to go it alone this way. Even is you are not being "abused" you need help and you need it now. I am concerned for you, and reading your letter sure puts my littler problems in perspective. Sometimes we feel very very alone in this world, but we are not. There is always a way out and someone to help, sometimes it's a matter of just holding on, and sometimes maybe it helps to sit somewhere quiet for a little while and really try to listen to God(the Creator, Beautiful Spirit in the Sky, Love, Life) to find out what to do next. There is an answer specifically for you. And it might not come all at once, but little by little, baby steps out of the darkness and into a brighter place. It is never the will of our Father/Mother for us to suffer. My heart goes out to you. You are embraced and cared for even if it doesn't look that way right now. I don't know you, and I don't know if any of this helps, but I hope you know that your life matters. Your existence proves the importance of you. I am much older than you (just turned 44), but I have had my share of toxic relationships and the one you are in does not sound good for you or the children. You are right on track to reach out for help, it shows that you want something better, and you deserve it 1000%. Sometimes we have to dig so deep and root out the psychic cancers in our lives so something healthy can begin to grow. You are stronger than you might know and I believe in you.
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Old 12-31-2005, 06:53 PM   #3
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hi angel. Unfortunately your story is synonymous to many other posts on this site. We are all here for u. You are human and u get tired, scared, lonely, depressed, etc just like every other parent on the face of the earth. I will say a prayer for u that the creator will give u strength and some much needed relief.
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