Heelllppp...

[huggies0214]

i am four weeks from due date... my situation is i live in florida and want to know if i wanted to file for custody how would it turn out?? i tried filing for an injuction against B.D. but got denied because of insufficient proof. i do plan on trying again. i was hoping for the injuction for go through so i could file for custody. so with that being said who knows the laws for FL? will it be automatically 50/50? ive also heard about sharing where baby gets 6 months with dad and 6 months with mom..completely no stability...please help

[LSL]

That's a pretty vague open ended question to be asking....there are so many factors about how things will turn out. What's dad like? Criminal background, anything that impedes his ability to parent a child? What's your background like?

That being said, if you are breastfeeding an infant, it is not likely I court is going to rip the child from you.

[huggies0214]

sorry about the vague info...my background is fine..ive had a stable job for years and plan on going back to school and staying with my parents to help me with watching over him. as far as dad goes we were together for bout a year...but many issues turned up when i got pregnant..completely planned!!! but he just changed..telling me to get an abortion and taking baby away from me...with all that drama i decided for mine sons and my well being that i break it off...3 months pass and we tried again only to end up him threatning me twice and still wanting me to move with him to another city which i completely did not want to do since i felt being with him especially after being threatnend was not a good idea...thats when i filed the injuction he got an attorney and i end up the one not having enough proof..i do plan to breastfeed...but of course doing online school and working part-time. i also plan to give my son my last name and not name the father on birth certificate.

---------- Post added at 01:01 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:00 AM ----------

and he doesnt have a criminal background and neither do i. well the only thing i can think of that might impede him is the fact that he lives in another city...and im wanting to refile the injuction and hopefully be able to use that

[LSL]

Well, no criminal background and little proof means that he could end up with joint custody. Here's a summary: http://family.findlaw.com/child-cust...y-laws.html#FL.

Remember that custody is different from parenting time. Custody deals with who makes the legal decisions, medical decisions, religious decisions, and school decisions for the child.

Visitation is has to do with how much the father sees the child.

I would caution you to not use an injunction as a tool to keep the father from the baby. That could backfire on you. I don't know what happaned or how much you fear the father, but I will tell you without specific proof when there is no injury, you could irritate the court.

---------- Post added at 10:39 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:39 PM ----------

PS: Alot of women try and use injunctions to keep the father from the child when there are no physical abuse issues. I am not saying that is what you are doing, only that I have seen this alot.

[huggies0214]

i see what youre saying about the injuction. the reason why i did it in first place was because he had left a suicide note and cops from his city called the cops from my city and did a check on a well being to make sure i was ok. all that was in an inquiry report. but guess that wasnt enough for them. i just wanted to do it to make the "process" easier to deal with..we are also not married..what i do worry about is what ive heard the whole few months with dad and few months with mom. i do not wish to take him away as a father from the babies life i just want everything to be done legally so if anything occurs it will be handled accordingly. i just want to make sure i am the primary and he has his visitation. now do you if with a newborn and a father having visitations can he take him out or when visiting is he just allowed to stay in my house???? how does it work??
thank you for all ur info thus far

[LSL]

Well, save that inquiry. If he threatened suicide that is evidence of his mental instability [at least recently]. I think he would have to make a very strong showing in order for a state to order 6 months with one parent, 6 months with another parent. That is a one off. I am not sure where you read that, or saw it, but remember if it is online, then you are only getting part of the story. That is a rare instance.

As far as where the visitation takes place, you are going to go through a court process, and part of that will include mediation. You will work these details out, hopefully, through mediation.

And if you are not putting his name on the birth certificate, you can force him to prove paternity first, and make him jump through hoops.....that would likely gain you 3 to 6 months of time for your baby to age a bit.

The flip side to that is that you also will be waiting to get any child support either. Because if you leave his name off the birth certificate, then you have to go through that process in order to file for child support.

[huggies0214]

thank you youve atleast brought some peace to my mind even if its just temporary...im wanting do this without any bad intentions or to get at him..i have no need to do so.and my son is not a rag to be using him like that..i guess im just putting too much thought into this then..or maybe not..idk..
i dont care to much about the child support either just like i said the visitation..another ???..when he gets visitation can he take the baby with him to his city????? 3 hrs away from me..and usually do you know how long visitation is for a baby???

[LSL]

Each county in Florida should have a website for their courthouse. On that website should be a proposed visitation guidelines, I would check those out. Should give you a good rule of thumb.

I would not see taking a breastfeeding baby that far away for a "visit" as reasonable. Likely, he would need to come visit with you until the baby is less dependent on you. But those visits might need to be longer, because he is going to have to travel quite a ways to see the baby. If you were in the same city, dad coming for visits 3 times a week for 2 hours as a newborn would be reasonable.

But, at some point [in my state it is 18 months to 2 years] your baby will go visit dad in dads house......depending of course, on how involved dad really wants to be.

[huggies0214]

thank u so much!!!!!!!

[Virgo69]

If you are afraid of this man, why would you even think about giving him visitation or an open door? I can't advise you of the legal aspects, but I can tell you my personal experience as a non married single mom who was on her own from 5 1/2 months prego on because the sperm donor has anger management issues (and other problems). I was not required to name the father, so I did not. I also gave my child my last name. Although idiot was annoyed to say the least, he did not petition to have his name added and his interest has already quickly faded. In fact, he moved another woman into his house 2 weeks after I left. I allowed him to be present in the hospital and then went about an hour away to stay with my parents while I recovered and got back on my feet which has turned into forever but that's a whole different post. Between the distance and passing of time, he has gone from calling daily to maybe once a week. His family visits with my child under my supervision about once a month (I wait for them to call, and come pick us up) at the grandfather's house and I bring her to functions they have when we are invited. He will not challenge his father, so occasionally idiot will see the child for a few hours. We have a verbal arrangement for child support, which he is of course behind on, but at least from time to time he pitches in a couple dollars. You are in a tough place, but a child always has a right to support money, so you could always go after him at a later date if the financial situation warrants it. Maybe he will just fade away (if that's what you want to happen) Good luck, you have some tough choices to make, but a beautiful child on the way makes it all worth it!

[AamyluvroN]

WOW! I do have to agree with LSL on this one. Do use injuction to win custody it will backfire in a way. As far as suicide if you can get your hands on the report regarding the suicide then thats all you need to show to the judge that you feel if he is not stable himself then how can he take care of a child on his own. I do not know the laws there but in VA you can request for joint legal custody and sole physical custody of your baby, your residence is your child's primary residence and the father only get visitations. you can request your own visitiation days if you feel your baby is in danger if he/she is in the care of the father. If you plan on breastfeeding tell the judge that as well. I am far from a lawyer but let the judge know everything so you can get what you want. As far as the last name for your child, i have a post on here about me wanting to change my son's last name. you say you want to give your child your last name out of spite it seems. just because he is not the person you say he was when you first got pregnant...i would say give him a hyphenated name or give him yours because i am going thru hell trying to change my son's last name to a hyphenated name just because i was dumb to give him his sperm donor's last name and now i am left a lone with a 4 month old baby and taking care of him myself. If you feel he will not be there for your child then by all means give your baby your last name. but research your laws there regarding custody or find a lawyer with a free consultation and tell him your story to see what he/she says.

[huggies0214]

thank you guys for the info...and the reason why i even mention about his rights is because i know he will try to go for it and the only thing i have is the inquiry report and even when i took it to court it wasnt enough so i figured by putting my mind set on the possibility then i wouldnt be setting myself up..if you know what i mean...i have called some lawyers and plan to speak with them and they do offer free consultation...i just want to be prepared from all kinds of direction. i honestly dont want to have to go thru any of this and dont want to do this out of spite its just reading everybodys trials about something as simple as a last name id rather save myself the headache. he has made this experience a roller coaster for me but i know just saying that wont be enough...hes just a very dramatic person and extreeeemely emotional everything is an issue. i know hes going to want to be there he always told me he didnt want his family to think any less of him...but in the end i am so grateful for my little man =) 29 days to go..

[LSL]

Remember that this is about the best interests of a child....while he may make a horrible boyfriend, he might make a wonderful father. Set it up safely and give him a shot, he might surprise you. I know he has been tough on you, and emotional, and mentally freaky, but that doesn't necessiarly preclude him from being a dad.

[huggies0214]

at the end of the day i do want to do his part and be a father i dont want him to be a deadbeat dad...which why after everything i do want him to be a part but since were not together you just never know...i hope he does surprise me (in a good way)...i do want my son to have the support of the both of us..but ill take it day by day..no need to worry about tomorrow =)

[Virgo69]

you sound like you have a very healthy attitude. good for you! I hope he steps up, but I've found that is what you are often left with...hope...til you give that up too. Someone who is not good at maintaining a loving responsible relationship with the mother of their child (even if they are no longer together) is usually not capable of having a loving responsible relationship with their child.

[AamyluvroN]

Originally Posted by huggies0214

at the end of the day i do want to do his part and be a father i dont want him to be a deadbeat dad...which why after everything i do want him to be a part but since were not together you just never know...i hope he does surprise me (in a good way)...i do want my son to have the support of the both of us..but ill take it day by day..no need to worry about tomorrow =)

you sound like a very mature person. Give him a try and see how it turns out. You can set up a visitation schedule if you go to court and ask for child support and see if he follows it. this will prove that he will do anything for his child and that his child comes before anything. I do have to agree do not do this out of spite. Your emotions are every where. When I applied for child support and custody/visitation I honestly felt i was doing it out of spite but then I realize i was doing this for my son. Do what you feel is best for your child and not for your emotions(revenge). Your child need both of his parents in his life so i agree take it one day at a time and don't stress. I am still sticking to the last name choice. Go for yours and if you feel the father is really a father then you can always change it to his in the future.

[huggies0214]

thanks everyone for your comments...my bday is today and maybe today could be the day =)..feels like it.. ive been doing alot of research just to be informed atleast with everything hes know asking me to be there for the birth but i wont..after all the drama thats gone on i can only think of more drama of the birth of my little man..i think whats more important is that hes born healthy and then ill let him know when to come visit..hes going to be a newborn so theres only so much you can do with them and they sleep all the time..so thinking of when hes born let father know and so he can come for bout an hr on wknd..then we can discuss visitation if he doesnt want to work it that way then court it is..i just dont want my son to feel any of this negativity =/...but i must stay positive

[huggies0214]

hey guys...BD is now telling me the only way to contact him is through his attorney..he starts sending me emails about just crap..how he pampered me by taking me out to eat and for paying for a mani and pedi one time!..he likes to think hes throwing all these things in my face which is ridiculous..i replied to him but not in a nasty way i just pointed out the obvious to him..how he even denied the baby for some time..guess the truth made him mad and now seems like everything will have to be handled thru attorneys which is fine with me i just need to be prepared and feel secure with my decision..i still have no intention of denying him from the baby . but my question to you guys im doing my extensive research to make sure i find a pretty good attorney but i want to make sure i get all the right resources and any extra info wont hurt. please help guys how can i go about this????

---------- Post added at 01:55 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:47 AM ----------

i also still plan to make sure my son has my last name and BD is not listed in BC..but if he tried to fight any of that can it actually be changed?? does it really matter in court that they would actually consider any of this? he has threatnend and of course i dont have proof it was thru phone but did threaten to take him away from me =\..ive just heard stories of child with same last name as father and father actually being able to move out of state just because of the last name..=\...im two weeks away and all this worry is starting to kick in again but im also trying to stay sane for my sons sake..and being that my injuction got denied i feel like this can go so many ways..i just want my son to be happy and i want to feel secure..please please please need advice

---------- Post added at 02:13 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:55 AM ----------

and another thing...even if dad lived 3 hours away can he still on visitation take him with him once my son is not so dependant of me? or would he need to ask me for permission? or would it only work that way if i was primary? from what i keep reading you need to have serious proof for primary..ugh which i had a crystal ball

[LSL]

Sounds like you are gearing up for some legal stuff here.

First, if you don't put his name on the birth certificate, and you don't name the father at all, this forces dad to file for paternity action, before he can file for custody. He also would not be able to just "take" your child from you. Though, understand that legally he would be considered the putitive father, and if he decides to puruse his rights, he can.

Finding a good attorney--------ask around and call around. Find someone who specializes in family law, specifically child custody issues. You should meet with a few attorney's. You will be working closely with this person. You need to trust them and feel comfortable telling this person everything......once you have it narrowed down, call the Florida State Bar to make sure there are no bar complaints. Speaking of which, the Florida Bar Association should have a referral line you can call for a few names. But really, people who can recommend are always the best way to find one.

As for the rest of your questions: Can the last name be changed, can he fight it, will he get overnight visitation....the answer to all those questions is maybe.......there are no absolutes. He would need to access the court system to do so. The last name bit, well that the court likely won't order for unmarried parents. the overnight visits will be a reality eventually.

I would NOT let him see that baby until you had some legal custody agreement lodged with the courts, especially if he has threatened to take the child. Though you would likely get the baby back quickly since he would have to prove paternity, the stress, worry, and legal issues would be terrible to go through. For someone who threatens those things, your only protection and recourse is to make sure that all things are handled legally, so that you have an enforceable order.

[huggies0214]

thank you LSL..
im actually meeting up with an attorney tomorrow..i went to the website (Fl Bar Assc.) and typed in for what kind of attny i was looking for and the one that came up is the one im actually going to see..=) i guess thats a good thing..
ive got all my questions ready..but ill definitely "shop" some more.
thank you for all your help..i know all this will turn out ok

[huggies0214]

hey lsl..my son was born nice and healthy. but BD found out and 7 days later ive been served. before being served since he knew the baby was born i was a bit worried if i didnt let him see the baby it would look bad in my part. i agreed to let him come and see the baby. but no he wanted to take the baby to a hotel and let him spend hours with a newborn (5 days old!) for hours! oh and also suggested that i pumped some bottles for him to have!!!..ridicolous..i told him no hes more than welcome to come and see the baby at my house.. the next day i got served and it clearly said that he was not sure he was the father of my son. i called him and told him since he wasnt sure he was the father it was best to handle everything in court accordingly. and that was my last straw because enough ive had to deal with the threats and B.S... but before my son was born i was able to meet up with an attorney she told me i was damned if i do and damned if i dont if i decided to let him the baby because in my county most judges beliieve in 50/50..
do you think i took the right steps..and of course on the motion nothing but B.S. !!! false allegations left and right..i now have got to get me an attorney. but im getting prepared by reading the motion and for every bulletin have a response for my attorney for when they file..if they feel its admissable.
so...what do you think?

[Bluemoon]

Congratulations, Huggies!

Obviously his desire to take the baby and visit in a hotel like that is RIDICULOUS! I can't help but wonder if he ever intended to bring him back, considering the threats he has made.
Document all this stuff, get your lawyer, and deffinatly don't let him take the baby out of your sight. You are doing great so far.

[LSL]

Congrats on the baby....

Next, don't take the motion personally. Before he can file for custody, he HAS TO LEGALLY ask for paternity testing. This is the best way for him to assert his rights. This is standard legal language, and not meant to be a slap in the face at all.

I think that you are reasonable to allow him to visit while you are present, but not taking a newborn to a hotel room, or expecting you to pump....ain't going to happen.

The not allowing him to see the baby at all.......I am not sure I would go that far. Please talk to an attorney about this and see what they say. I am not sure that I would deny total access. I would state that it has to be on your terms [meaning your house, where you can feed the baby, and so on].

[MotherBoard]

additional to what has already been said, if he does take you up on visiting the baby at your house with you there, make sure you have others you trust present too. for many reasons.

[huggies0214]

well not too long ago BD came with his family and left about an hr later. not once has he asked me bout my sons health. he also gave me one box of wipes. but i must admit i feel empowered because of all the false accusations he made about me in the motion and i without hesitation let see my son. (after i told him not to come he did either way but my parents felt it was best i just let him in). my family was of course home. i gave them space but i was within view just in case.
my son 5 pds 7 oz. =) so precious**

[idig]

Congrats on your baby boy! My son was 5lbs 10 oz when he was born I blinked and he's 12

[huggies0214]

i also found out that he has an interview (but no definite job) and is trying to get his own place. ive had my job for 6 years now..do they look at things like that? for stability?..would it also matter that he made accusations but i was still willing to do things the right way? i have appt for an attorney..ive got 19 days left for the motion

---------- Post added at 08:44 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:42 PM ----------

wow idig..my son is only 7 days old..and already ive seen so many changes..i can only imagine the next weeks, years. its a good feeling to be a mother

[LSL]

Allegations are standard..........All your attorney will do is respond by writing, Allegation 1-14, respondant denies. Nothing to explain right now. There has to be allegations for a motion---don't take it personally at this stage.

One thing---if your parents were present for the visit........please have them document their observations...........about how he was with your son, questions he asked, how he treated you, what he asked.....so on. No "I feel" or "I believe"---just facts.

You also need to be documented everything. Make a binder and put everything in it. If he text messages you, figure out how to download them to your computer to print out. If he emails you, print them and put them in a binder. If he leaves voicemails.....find a service that transcribes them and prints it out for you. You cannot record telephone conversations between the two of you, that's illegal, but you could put him on speaker phone with a third party present to hear whatever threats he makes.

Also, you can record him when he comes to your home, without his knowledge. He then has no expectation of privacy, and this is not illegal.

Gear up, you have a fight with someone that sounds dillusional. Do not underestimate, and get a good, fierce attorney.

[huggies0214]

LSL..i have a question for you... in the state of florida when doing mediation how does the joint custody work?
is that something we both have to agree on? and im assuming if we dont then it gets taken to the courts.

[huggies0214]

hey guys..so heres an update. so i got an attorney that i do feel good about. he seems like a person that has good morals. well in the meantime of all this i am not denying BD from seeing the baby all i ask is that we come into agreements of time and date. but he doesnt want to seem to do that. he'll just send me an email telling me what days he wants to come and at what time. last weekend he did this and i gladly said (he wanted saturday and sunday and that he was staying the weekend in my town) that saturday would be best. but out of anger he said no sunday. he also told me that i have the nerve to ask for convenient times when i have the baby 24/7. but i was just trying to be reasonable. at no point am i nasty about it. nontheless he didnt show up either day!!..now this fathers day weekend its the same thing. he just states at what time he will show up at my house and on both days. i do not mind for sunday but i have church activities on saturdays. my attorney says i only have to agree to one day but from experience what do you guys think??! please share with me
also when he visits my son at my parents home he says he is being "watched" but my family actually has conversations with his family. so the last visit my family stayed upstairs so he wouldnt have anything to complain about but he then sent me an email that he shouldnt be left unsupervised if everyone is upstairs..??!!!idiot..complains about everything..please guys inform me with some info

[huggies0214]

hey guys...i need some advice... BD is trying to get 50/50 (one week me and one week him) and he lives 3 hours away..my son is only 3 months old...last time he came to see the baby it just turned nasty because he got confrontational with me and my family and cops came and told him to leave. we had mediation yesterday and that only lasted 15 min because he wants 50/50. and i think it just instability for a newborn. i am also breastfeeding him. i know he can get every other weekend which is fine with me. i want them to have a relationship, well either way i have no choice. but know that we are def. going to court what are the chances of something like this going thru.. i was a victim of abuse from him before and during pregnancy, witnesses on his erratic behavior, hes also told me several times he was coming to see my son and never showed up...please hellllppp meeeee...

[Dad1st4boys]

Get a lawyer, at that age the baby needs his/her mother way more!!! Not saying a father can not be caring or nurturing, but women are build better for certain things .

Also with the history of abuse...... is there any records of the abuse? Get a lawyer.

[DaddyCakes]

Hi There...

First thing you need to do is CALM DOWN!

Has Paternity been established in the courts?
Has the DNA Testing been done?
If not, then he CAN NOT get custody under Florida Law since you two were never married.

Florida will not give the child to him at this age on a 50/50 weekly exchange. that would be something that would be worked up to, with him living 3 hours away, that gets across county lines and that can get sticky.

[Bluemoon]

I wouldn't worry. With a child that young I really can't see him getting that and with an older child, it would interfere with school.

What would be normal, and even then only once the child is much older, would be for him to get holidays (birthdays, etc.) every other year and up to six weeks in the summer.

The way it worked with me was dad got once a month visitation in my state until the child was much older. Then he got to have overnights so could have him in his state similar to the guidelines stated above.

With the domestic violence you mention and the police being involved (get a copy of the report for court)...the guy is just shooting for he moon. He ain't gonna get there, though.

Of course, I am not a lawyer. This is just based on my experience and the experiences I have read about here. You should always consult a lawyer to be as safe as possible...but really, I sincerely doubt you have any worries in this regard. Good luck! His demands are just plain unreasonable.

[AamyluvroN]

Have to agree with others. You should not stress over this. It will be hard not to but I dont see a judge awarding him that 50/50 neither. With the history you two have, you breastfeeding, and at his/her age its a very slim chance the judge will give him that. Not to take sides but breastfeeding is not something you can turn off and on each week. The most he will get is every other weekend overnight stays but with his history of bad behavior he may not get that. It will be ok. It will work in your favor.

[Dad1st4boys]

I would be very surprised if the judge awards him more than a few hours a week of supervised visits.

[ColoMomof4]

Document EVERYTHING. When/if you go to court you will have this nice little piece of paper with all this information so when you get rattled you don't forget to mention it. In the event he files for visitation then you can go the Court and request a temporary order regarding visitation. If there are police reports, dispatch logs, welfare checks, etc., bring those with you and/or attach them to any paperwork you file with the court on this topic.

If you are worried about him then personally I wouldn't want my child with him for even a weekend without supervision.

Most family courts have or can direct you to an advocate that can walk you through what forms to file for which situation. Meaning you go and say I need to ask the court for a temporary order for visitation and I want the father evaluated for mental health.

alternatively request a temporary restraining order asking he be evaluated before granting him vistation with his baby. There will be hearing set almost immediately and you will be before the Judge.

And remember, when you open a can of worms you will often get lots and lots of worms, so unless you are secure in what he is going to say about you and your past history proceed carefully. The judge will listen to him as well.

[Dad1st4boys]

Remember it's easier to open a can of worms than it is to re- collect and fill the can.

[huggies0214]

Thank u guys for the words of encouragement. they are greatly appreciated. i was really starting to stress. but i know i am doing this with good intentions and the right reasons so everything will be in favor. i already have my attorney. so now were just waiting on the court date to get this mess over with. i know hes just trying to get 50/50 because child support is going to kick his butt..bout 800 not including daycare. and hes told me he doesn't want me to "spend" his money. oh well. so his reasons are not for the right ones obviously. i hope the judge can see thru that. what gets to me is that his attorney is a woman! now i know attorneys just want to get paid but man as a woman i dont think i would have the courage to try and take a 3 month old from her mother and me being a sane person. man what people do for money.
dna has been done already. we already went to mediation.
now up until he caused a scene the last time he came to see my son i told it would be best to wait until the situation was handled that he can have his visitation. before i didnt have a problem but he would try to boss me around and tell me when he would show up. but he still insists on seeing my baby. my attorney tells me it is up to me whether i let him or just stick with what i have told him. but im torn because i dont want to look like im "neglecting" them from their "relationship". what do u guys think. and can i just say to the judge he be evaluated and theyll actually consider it? i ask my attorney these questions but i want to see what others have to say to see if my attorney is taking me in the right path. but maybe i should have more faith in him.

---------- Post added at 08:50 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:42 AM ----------

and if credible the worst he can say about me is that when i was pregnant he told me he was going to want a dna test i said fine but out of anger told him that when it comes back positive i was going to be a rich b&*^* of his money . mind you at the time he didnt even have a job. and i had also told him when a real man comes into my life that he was going to be more of a father to my son....its pretty petty stuff.

[idig]

I don't think you saying stuff like that in the past is going to make much of a difference, if at all.

I was advised to do everything within reason to accommodate visitation when I was going for supervised visitation so as not to look spiteful and as if I was trying to hinder a relationship. So I did, but supervised.

The best advise I can give you is to not engage in the drama. Don't have discussions with him. Work out a visitation time with him and be reasonable about accommodating changes (if he got caught in traffic or something) but beyond that don't worry about it. Just document it all.

The single best thing that you can do in these situations is to remove the emotion from all dealings with the ex. In every action you take and word you speak you want it to be clearly in the best interest of the child, just business no emotion. If you do that, you have little to worry about in court. Then come here or to friends or family and vent those emotions.

[Dad1st4boys]

What idig said...
I would add that you should have a recorder on you during visits and if possible have a third party there. Or even better yet arrange visits at neutral and public place. Or best yet all the above.

[Bluemoon]

Originally Posted by Dad1st4boys

What idig said...
I would add that you should have a recorder on you during visits and if possible have a third party there. Or even better yet arrange visits at neutral and public place. Or best yet all the above.

Opps, Dad. Watch out with recording people without their knowledge. In some states it's illegal.
Someone once looked up what the criteria was for it being legal or not in Fl. But I don't remember what it was.

I'll try to find it.....

[Dad1st4boys]

Easy tell them that any conversation with you maybe recorded for training porpoises. A little fishy, I know

I forget some states it is totally illegal. In the states I have lived in if at least one person in the conversation is aware it's being recorded it is legal.

DC may have information on the FL law somewhere.

[Bluemoon]

Sorry can't find it...well, I found one I was looking for but it didn't say anyrhing about Fl.


http://www.rcfp.org/taping/states/florida.html

This may help, though.

[DaddyCakes]

Originally Posted by Dad1st4boys

DC may have information on the FL law somewhere.

Sorry but I have no idea about that side of the law here...Haven't had the need to deal with it.

[LSL]

Florida is a two party consent state.

If you had to call the police last time and you have a report, I am not sure I would allow another visit. Ask your attorney how this will effect things.

Now, I have to stand up for his attorney. I am a woman. I just sat for the bar. My responsibility is to my client. I do not factor into the equation my own personal thoughts about what is good or bad. This is not a moral thing. Nor is it a money thing. This is an integrity thing. Should I deny him my legal knowledge and help based on the fact he is a MAN? That is WRONG! You have no idea what she has been advising him. She could tell him that he is nuts for going 50/50 and he is not going to get it. But as attorney's, we are bound to do what our clients want to do with allegations and requests as long as they are not illegal. That is our DUTY. I don't think you are being fair to her at all (the lawyer). Should your lawyer, if he is a man, not represent you because you are trying to limit the child's time with the father? (PS, I know that you have good reasons for this, but I just want you to think about your reasoning in being upset with the lady attorney.)

Okay, off my soapbox.....

[huggies0214]

sorry LSL for get you going there . that was my two cents and just being in the situation im in. well im definitely go with what youre saying about holding off visitation. so many times ive tried making peace and just turns out to be a mess. i cant stress when taking of my 3 month and breastfeeding. hes also trying to be smart and asking me for my sons doctor info probably just to say that he is checking up on him. but i wont give him that. he also keeps asking about the baby. and to send pictures. and last time i did (which was 3 weeks after the incident happened with him and the cops) i responded and he just replied that i am irresponsible for not giving him updates!! dhajdhfahdfhaklghs...aahhhhh...makes me mad. but i didnt respond to him i just let him blow up. so i dont know if to keep answering his messages about the baby. i mean were already going to court. and with his instability of visits he'll probably need to build a gradual relationship with the baby instead of just having him every other weekend. ahhhhhh idk. i try to keep calm but the second the thoughts come into my mind, my minds just goes 100 mph. my mom every now and then asks me if i never saw this coming. . but when i see my little boys face its just determination. his little rolls are starting to come and smiles with his gums showing...its so cute. i love my son but man i have to say im too traumatized to have another . thanks guys for "listening"

[LSL]

I would pick two days a week to send regular updates. You do not need to respond to anything that he would say back to you. Send a picture and any new milestones the baby has done. If you are going to keep the baby from him, you should keep him informed. Remember that you want to remain above the fray. Keep copies of what you send, and if he sends mean stuff back -- print it out and document it.

[Bluemoon]

Awwww. Thanks for a memory. When E's baby "rolls" came (I mean the little rolls of baby fat) I used to call him my "Michelin baby".

[huggies0214]

bluemoon: i know they look like mini sumo wrestlers. .
well i sent him pictures and told him the baby's milestones. mind he is only 3 months. so not much to say. then he replies cute pics but later on he apparently felt the need to try to make me look like the bad guy. "its nice he smiles but all babies smile" duuhh but aren't you concerned more about yours??? also saying that im the one that needs to put my feelings to the side!! are u serious??!! you threatened me, you harass me when i have told you that i do not want to be in a relationship with you, you caused the trouble the last you saw him which didn't even pay attention to my son he was too busy screaming at me. i was the one reminding him of his appointments. its like everything i try to do peacefully he tries to flip it on me to make it seem like i didn't do enough. i really don't understand this...

---------- Post added at 04:08 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:03 PM ----------

oh and the last time he came and the police showed up the cops did not do a report. i know that he'll try to say that nothing really happened but the fact that the cops actually showed up will that help. also the whole argument was recorded. when he got confrontational with my family my brother kept saying he was recording to let him know. so does that count

---------- Post added at 04:29 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:08 PM ----------

i also looked up the visitation guideline for fl..and it looks like from 18 months and up is when court decides to start changing the schedule. which is good baby is a bit older and should , i think, start saying some words by then to express himself.

---------- Post added at 04:31 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:29 PM ----------

and a question to any single mother/father that has primary residence how in the world do you guys cope when the secondary parent has to take your child for a weekend???

---------- Post added at 05:46 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:31 PM ----------

i was also thinking of responding in a very calm manner something along the lines of: it is a shame how the same things i have already told you before you are trying to use on me. i am calm and peaceful with you even after your actions. i constantly keep you updated and send you pictures. please stop with your absurd words and realize the stress you're inflicting is also affecting our son...
i just think if i leave him with the last words im admitting to it. =/