Please pray for me.....I'm done

[momofTDR]

I just can't handle things anymore. The list is too long, and it's just too much now. There is no one here who can help, two of my friends are at their families today and one is leaving in the morning for a 10 day trip. The kids' dad is gone and I've had Isaiah for almost 2 weeks now without a break. I had to hire a sitter so I could go work tomorrow....and so I have to get the house at least tidy and not dirty (cause it's gone downhill since Wednesday) and he's currently spewing profanities to me and about me, throwing stuff at me....and screaming. Of course, this has the other two in a tizzy as well. I'm done. I can't handle this kid anymore....and I have 2 more days of this crap to deal with.

[pann71]

OK..deep breath right now Mom.

I don't really know what your issues with your son are. But swearing and throwing things at you does not sound good. This moment will pass Mom...put him in a locked room now, where he can't hurt the others and you can calm down.

You can get through this...one minute at a time!!

[momofTDR]

Thanks, I just put him in the shower....he's going to bed. The others are going to watch a movie. I will go in their room tonight while they sleep and chuck it all. I'll deal with the drama tomorrow.

He does have mental issues, but he chose a long time ago, to hate me and just be flat disrespectful. He's learned by example, that's really what it boils down to.

[muskiedad]

Yes the deep breath thing does help. Two days to go....sounds like the finish line is near, maybe that can inspire you to hang in there? I know I would not tolerate a kid throwing at me or screaming. But when you are exhausted as you sound, it's hard to be on top of it all. Hang in there, as Pann said one minute at a time.

[pann71]

He does have mental issues, but he chose a long time ago, to hate me and just be flat disrespectful. He's learned by example, that's really what it boils down to.

OK, I am not going to say too much to this, because I see that you are in that moment where things we would not normally say come out of our mouth.

What kind of diagnosis does your son have? What kind of help do you have? Is he medicated or going through therapy?

I am sure that your son does not hate you, although, I am sure that he saw behavior that he mimics. My son did also. For a long time I felt like he had no respect for me because his dad talked to me so horribly. He is wanting you to set the limits, his temper and outbursts are more of a cry for boundries and attention.

I just started going to a parenting group for kids with ADHD and it is great to be able to talk to others who have been there. Is there anything around there like that.

I hate to say it but if you truly do believe that you are done and can not do it anymore (and no one is judging you) then you really should be looking at options of what you can do. I just really hope this feeling goes away tomorrow!

[Mama Swan]

It sounds like you've done what you can for the night. Hang in there.
If you haven't already, get into some family therapy with him. I don't doubt his mental health issues, but if you feel that he hate you there is a lot more hurt there that you can both work to get past. It's not easy, but in the long run you'll both be better off for it. I'll be thinking of you.

[momofTDR]

He's ADHD, ODD and bi-polar. I don't know if you recall, but he went to stay with his dad and his dad's new wife (which he's now divorced from) to Colorado. It really drove home that he was really influencing my two little kids and that they were really better off without him. So, dad, moved back in December. I limited the time he was in my home till this summer. In an attempt to keep childcare costs down, I took online classes this summer so I could keep the kids. They do go to their dad's about 3 days/week so I can work and do school work. Well, between church camp, and dad going to a wedding, I've now had him for about 2 weeks and it's just not going good. I've canceled a vacation, in part due to $$$ being tight, but I decided I wasn't going to tighten my funding for a vacation that was certainly going to be ruined.

His dad comes back tomorrow really late, I'm going to inform him of all this, plus Isaiah running over Noah on his bike and let him know Isaiah will only be allowed in my house while dad works. Period. I think I'll see if I can let my two little ones go to grandma and grandpa's house without him. I'll have to put them on a shuttle and grandma will have to pick them up at the shuttle stop. They deserve to have a little fun this summer despite their brother.

---------- Post added at 07:59 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:58 PM ----------

We do get therapy, he gets counseling, psycho-social rehabilitation and group counseling.

[calooa]

Hi MomofTDR, first of all let me just say that you sound like an amazing woman. Dealing with kids with the diagnoses of your son is draining. Given his age, you are dealing with those on top of general preteen angst. I have been a foster mom for almost 5 years and have seen so many kids with these diagnoses, among others. It is so difficult on the parents, particularly the primary caregiver, and the siblings.

Is your son involved in any programs which offer respite care? My adopted son has multiple diagnoses and is involved in a program called AWARE which offers one weekend (or two days) of paid respite a month plus an aide who takes him a one or two times per week to work on social issues. I don't know if you have anything like this there, but I did find this link which I thought might offer some help. (hope it is ok to post it here)http://www.idahofederation.org/family_resources.cfm It is to the Idaho Federation and their page has a link to Idaho respite care providers. I know nothing about this group at all, but I thought it might be a starting point.

Please feel free to PM me anytime to talk, to vent, or whatever.

[momofTDR]

Thank you Calooa. I had no clue such things even existed. I am normally very blessed to have friends who can help at the drop of a dime, but it's just been a crazy couple of weeks for both of the friends that were even in town, and my other friend has been gone.

I am definitely going to keep this in mind. I plan on talking to his PSR worker (sounds kind of like the aide you mentioned, she's a social worker, and they work on social skills, and integrating him into the public) on Wednesday when I see her. It's when he gets like he was tonight that I tend to loose it...it's the feeling of hopelessness. On one hand you'd do anything to help....and on the other hand, you just can't.

Thanks all, I'm feeling better now. I pray that tomorrow is a better day.

[LSL]

I wanted to say that I am praying for you as well.

I don't understand living with a child such as this full time. However, I have seen what an autistic child can do to a home, and how it just kind of takes over the whole house. My nephew, whom I love to death, has asperger's. And I will tell you that when he goes into a rage, it is something to behold.......... If it weren't for the fact that he does not get violent, I would otherwise be terrified of him. When my sister left for Virginia and left him behind, it was very overwhelming at times. My daughter was adversely affected in that we all pandered to him to keep the peace, but at the same time made her shoulder much of the responsibility of his actions, when she did something.

I know it's not the same, however, it does give me some insight into what you are dealing with. Calooa is right, there is respite available. These respite providers have to be certified to deal with the special issues that these children bring.

I also cannot imagine how it feels to have to shelter your children from one of your other kids.

Anyway, prayers for you!!!! May God bless your home tomorrow with special peace.

[Bluemoon]

I'm sending prayers as well.

Calooa is right on. The program E is in has a Big Brother type program where they will come and spend some time with your child. Take them places and do things with them while you get some much needed time to gather yourself back together.
It's incredable expensive, but they have other progarmas to help you with the cost, even cover it in total.
I am so hoping to get E in there for that.
Even if I had a guy friend that I trusted him with (I don't), an average layman would not be able to handle him for long.

Big hugs, to you!