http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/ All Parent forums, chat Board topics and discussions are geared to Single Parents, Step parents, Blended Parenting and the issues faced with parenting today. Created by one parent and ran by many parents for help in parenting while single. Support a parent today and one will support you back in your Parenthood! en Sun, 20 May 2012 17:59:42 GMT vBulletin 1440 http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/images/misc/rss.jpg http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/ http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22252&goto=newpost Sat, 19 May 2012 16:20:16 GMT My ex and I have two kids together. I had moved with him to a state on the opposite end of the country when were married. He cheated on me and... My ex and I have two kids together. I had moved with him to a state on the opposite end of the country when were married. He cheated on me and ignored me, alternating with extreme emotional outbursts for most of our marriage until I'd finally had enough and filed for divorce. Since then he has had extreme problems with guilt and his emotions are even more out of control. He has seen counselors a few times, but I seriously doubt he was giving them the straight story, since he could never do that with me...sometimes even with video proof!! He's just all kinds of mental. He would tell the kids I was breaking up our family and that I hate him. Showing up at my house all hours of the night or day to check on me to make sure I wasn't with someone else, refusing to take the kids on his weekends (because I might go on a date with someone), pulling them out of bed in the middle of the night and crying and saying how mean I was. (He is very manipulative and I had no support there, so he was able to weasel his way into things like having a set of keys, with the ultimatum being he wouldn't take the kids on his days so I could go to school or work.) Finally, after much anguish, I was able to convince him to let me move back to my home town with the kids. There were some empty promises in there (like maybe we can work it out after some distance). I know this was a terrible thing to promise, but it was the only way. The courts had no sympathy for me and said what he did was not abuse and that I had no right to take them out of state. But I told him he could follow as soon as he could. Then he found a gf for a while, and that fell through, so since then, he's been back to calling and texting on a regular basis for emotional support. Anyway, I am finally starting to find my social niche here and occasionally get a little attention from guys, which he apparently sees while stalking me online. I've pretty much given up on the whole dating or relationship thing until my kids are older, but darn if I'm going to stay locked in my house and never talk to people. Now he's planning on dropping everything and moving out here without a house or job lined up. Truth be told, i have seriously been struggling to do this on my own. My family is not as helpful as I thought they would be and can't afford sitters to get out much, so I really wanted him to eventually move out since he'd seemed to calm down there for a while....but IN HIS OWN PLACE Now, I guess he's jealous again and wants to get out here and manipulate me again. So frustrating. ]]> Iced http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22252 http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22250&goto=newpost Sat, 19 May 2012 00:30:56 GMT Hope this is the right place to post this. Curious of additional online tools to use in checking on things like court judgements, sentencing info,... Hope this is the right place to post this.

Curious of additional online tools to use in checking on things like court judgements, sentencing info, and things of that sort.

There's an online website from my home state that has some info, but it's painfully rarely updated or only has partial info. Would like to find out official information regarding charges, sentence, and so forth for my kids' mom. We don't speak, and would prefer to keep it that way, so anything else out there that anyone knows of to use would very appreciated. Thanks. ]]> ThreeDee http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22250 http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22247&goto=newpost Fri, 18 May 2012 18:11:32 GMT Totally unreal!!! http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/05/18/father-30-kids-by-11-women-cant-pay-child-support/?test=latestnews Totally unreal!!!

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/05/18...est=latestnews ]]> Child Support Dad1st4boys http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22247 http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22246&goto=newpost Fri, 18 May 2012 15:59:35 GMT I am new to this forum and support group. I am reaching out because I don't know what else to do. I am a single mother of a 2.5 yr boy. I have been a single parent since a week after I found out I w as pregnant. He left and has never been any type of support to us, mentally, physically, financially. I work a full time job and run a small children's clothing business. I have yet to come to terms with being a single parent. I was raised by both parents and would have never imagined I wouldn't be able to do the same for my own. I can't seem to wrap my head around what I can do to come to terms with being a single parent and how to accept it. I have dreaded the day that my son asks about his father. I have tried to plan in my head what I will say and how I will react but I get so upset because I feel like I have failed him because I can't give him a whole family like I had growing up. Last night we were watching a movie and previews for the Lion King were on and was going through saying all the animals and he referred to Mufasa as Dasdy Lion. My heart broke I half because I have never heard him say Daddy and honestly didn't know that he knew the word and role. It breaks my heart that he doesn't have the opportunity call anyone a daddy. I really need they'll learning what I can do to accept it myself so I can be strong in times where I need to be for him. ]]> 20 Something Single Moms Brittianyc http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22246 http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22245&goto=newpost Fri, 18 May 2012 04:08:22 GMT i find it really hard to find time or the energy to date, what with a nine year old and a job. and i think sometimes its just the thought of how to... i find it really hard to find time or the energy to date, what with a nine year old and a job. and i think sometimes its just the thought of how to introduce him to my child, and what happens when it does not work out, when do we ever spend time together..... ]]> nyeri http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22245 http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22242&goto=newpost Fri, 18 May 2012 01:24:26 GMT I am on here looking for a little emotional support. I am a 26 years old single and pregnant back at my parents house for starters. I was never in a... I am on here looking for a little emotional support. I am a 26 years old single and pregnant back at my parents house for starters. I was never in a relationship with the father and the pregnancy was obviously unplanned. He checks up on me ever so often but has not been involved with the pregnancy or given me any support of any kind. I was at the university part time and working part time as a waitress, living with a roommate, so i thought the best for me was to move back home. I love my family and they are supportive but not the most positive. They are excited but my father doesnt ask anything about the father, he told my mom that the baby may not even be the presumed fathers, so i get that vibe from him. My mother is constantly worried my baby is going to grow up without a father figure. My sister tells my mom i have no future because im not done with school and im just a waitress. All of these comments are not said to me, i hear them and theyve happened few times, but make me feel very bad. I am a smart woman and im doing everything i can at the moment to have a great healthy pregnancy and birth.As well as dealing with the father and the child support legal issues,which i have no clue about. Its been a learning process with everything and im i proud of myself for doing the best job i can. I feel everyone thinks i am going to not finish school, have a crappy job and be on welfare my whole life. It makes me question myself because i was already struggling with my studies, but right now i have so much on my plate and about to give birth i feel its too much to deal with. I feel trapped in a way, i want to raise my baby on my own without negative side comments and at the moment i cant support us and dont know how long it will be until i can. ]]> 20 Something Single Moms lairaa http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22242 http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22238&goto=newpost Thu, 17 May 2012 19:10:28 GMT im a single mother of an almost 3 yr old son. he is my world. his father and i are not together and havent been since before my sons 1st bday. his... im a single mother of an almost 3 yr old son. he is my world. his father and i are not together and havent been since before my sons 1st bday. his father isnt on the birth certificate b/c we werent married. the father is unaware of this. the father is a decent guy but has a drug problem that has affected him greatly....he doesnt work, is mentally unstable, and its almost like he lives in a fantasy world. he pays no child support.
i have never denied my son's father time with him but i do not allow him to take my child. i allow him to come to my house most weekends, both days, but do not allow him to spend the night. the problem is, he has been to my house intoxicated too many times to count. he has brought needles into my home, as well as left pills laying around a couple of times. he randomly cancels visits for odd reasons (last wkend he couldnt come b/c he mysteriously couldnt walk for 3 days?), doesnt show, or shows up late. when he is at my home, 90% of the time is spent aggravating me about how i should be back with him, how ive taken away his opportunity to parent, making promises of his great future, in the bathroom (up to 45 min at a time), or outside smoking or talking on the phone. he also takes lengthy naps on my couch (while my son sleeps and while he is running around). my son calls him by his first name (starting doing this in the last few months) and only plays with him if the dad is acting normal. my son has told him that he is foolish and usually asks him to leave. if we have plans on the wkend (bday parties, vacations, etc), the father throws a fit and makes me feel like ****.
ok. my question is.....how do i make this stop? i feel like im doing the right thing by allowing his father in his life and still protecting him by allowing it under supervision. but the father is ruining my life. my greatest fear is him taking me to court to obtain visitations and he know this and threatens it everytime i say or do something he doesnt like. i would appreciate any and all suggestions? ]]> Custody - Visitation jessicah http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22238 http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22237&goto=newpost Thu, 17 May 2012 18:22:57 GMT I requested a raise because he was working full time and making much more money for the past year than when child support was initially set. I was... I requested a raise because he was working full time and making much more money for the past year than when child support was initially set. I was getting the minimum. So after all the financial income, monthly expenses and paper work from the both of us the child support worker concluded that what I was getting was completely unfair and doubled the monthly amount.

The father is requesting for it to be heard by the judge to determine if it should be modified. I asked the child support what to expect she did send me some general papers.. I guess I just want to be prepared and I've never done this before.

The father straight out told me it was too much money for him to be giving me and that's why he is taking it to the judge. And then he also said he did it because he thinks I am lying about my income. Which I'm not, I'm self employed I gave my bank accounts, last 2-3 years tax papers..

So any advice on what I need to do? It said to take notes and such but I don't even know what to take notes on to bring up since he requested the hearing. I know in the papers raising it he put his total house hold expenses and I know he pays less or half because it's his girlfriends house and she owns it. He put the expenses at a higher cost than his income. I did ask the child support worker about this and she said likely that wont make any difference during court, unless he says he can't pay his bills because of the modification, but I could bring it up and then she reminded me she wasn't my lawyer.. Which I know and completely understand that... ]]> Child Support MelissaAnn http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22237 http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22232&goto=newpost Thu, 17 May 2012 01:27:29 GMT Hey all! I'm a newly single mom of a 3yr old girl and 6 month old boy. Only been seperated for 2 months. It's been rough. My parents took me in until I get back on my feet....thank God cause taking care of a 3yr old and a 6 month old alone would be ****. I'll be returning to work in November.
When we first seperated my X took our daughter to his mom's for 3 weeks!! I only saw my daughter for 1 hour in 3 weeks. He worked and his mom kept our daughter. His mom wouldn't let me go see her cause she was 'afraid of what I'd do" with my X at work. Which she had good reason for cause parents have custodial rights over grandparents. I had to get a lawyer, FAST and we applied for an emergency court hearing. We were in court within 3 weeks. Naturally I got custody of both children. My X only sees our daughter on the weekends. My son is breastfed so he goes with his dad for a couple of hours when daughter is dropped off.
Anyway, because my daughter was seperated from me for 3 weeks she's VERY clingy with me now. Has to sit with me all the time. I'm loving that but I know the reason behind it. She barely knew me when I went to pick her up after court.
Now she asks to go 'home' almost every night. She says she doesn't like it at Nannie & Pampies....but she does. She loves playing outside and with her Nannie & Pampie and her baby brother is here and her cousin is next door.
I'm going to join some support groups when my son learns to accept the bottle and I can leave him for awhile. In the mean time I'm looking for suggestions on how to handle my daughters seperation anxiety. She's not really acting out much. I tell her we're only going to be here for a little while then she, her baby brother, & I will be getting our own place. She seems to like that idea. My X calls 3 times a week at her bedtime to say good night. Everytime he calls she tells him she wants to come home. Of course this makes him feel terrible. She's a total daddy's girl. He's a great father, shitty husband. I don't want to tell him to stop calling, but I think it will help her cope better. She's fine all day, then when I tell her daddy is going to call she says she wants to go home. On nights he doesn't call she's usually ok.
I dunno. It's just so hard listening to her say she wants to 'go home'. Sometimes she'll just say it once, sometimes she'll say it over and over. I don't know what to tell her. She's just turning 3, how do you explain this to a 3 yr old. Do you say something, do you not say anything?
Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Thanks! ]]> 30 - Something Single Moms Qalisto26 http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22232 http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22230&goto=newpost Thu, 17 May 2012 01:01:35 GMT Hi I'm new here and freaking out!!! I have two kids by two different dads and they are my world. For my son I have full custody and nothing his father has no intrest in him, my daughters dad gets her 10 days a month. She'll be starting school soon and I don't know what to do about the visitation do I need to file with the courts to change custody for school? or does she just automatically stay with me for the school year?

---------- Post added at 09:01 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:58 PM ----------

Her dad and I live about 10 hours apart so weekend deal would not be able to work, any ideas? ]]> Custody - Visitation justme30 http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22230 http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22231&goto=newpost Thu, 17 May 2012 00:59:45 GMT Okay. So today I put on my big girl panties and grew up a little. When the ex came over to get K for his visit tonight I asked his gf to come back so... Okay. So today I put on my big girl panties and grew up a little. When the ex came over to get K for his visit tonight I asked his gf to come back so I could talk to her.

First I wanted to just talk with her about being civil with each other and that we don't have to like each other or even talk we just need to be able to to be civil for K's sake. I told her I wanted him to make his own opinions about people in his life and that included her. She agreed and thanked me for allowing her the chance to be in his life. Then the conversation turned from K to their son and she cried out for help. She said I don't know how you do it, doing this all alone without having the dad in his life and so on. Then it came out that she wants to leave that she is trying to leave and willing to help me beat the ex anyway she can. She is using my case against my ex and she is building one against him so come monday if all goes well for me she will be filing against him and leaving. If things go badly she is going to help me build information against him and is willing to put her name on any information she gives me. She has all the same worries with her son that I do with K. She doesn't want the grandparents around and doesn't want the bf sister involved. I did not divulge any of my information that I have on my ex or anything I plan on using on Monday against my ex because I did not want it getting back to him. I told her that come Monday if she is not just using me to get information I will help her, but the minute something we discussed comes up I will ruin her life. I told her that she needs to figure out what is best for her and her son. She said and I quote "I hope (name) loses custody because of our house, it is not safe for (child name) to live here let alone K to be living here. The home study women even stated in her findings that the house is unsafe to be living in, and I hope that the courts do not allow K to be allowed back until further notice." I just stared at her, I have an inside to that house, she told me all the things the ex says about me, all the things he does or does not do. He only plays with K, the gf is the one caring for K while he is there on the weekends. I will be talking to my lawyer on Monday and if things turn out good for me, I am having him help her anyway he can. So much more was said and I am HOPING and PRAYING right now that things go well so that she is on my side.


I went against what my lawyer wanted me to do and not talk to her but I felt I needed to clear the air between us and I am glad I did. I may now have gained a valuable person to getting K away from his father. Risky move on my part, but I honestly was not expecting any of that to come out while talking to her.


Court is on Monday and I can't wait. ]]> Custody - Visitation youngmomma01 http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22231 http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22229&goto=newpost Thu, 17 May 2012 00:48:46 GMT Good evening all, Well a lot has happened since my last post here. I was petitioned for divorce back in October of 2011 and my soon to be ex... Good evening all,

Well a lot has happened since my last post here. I was petitioned for divorce back in October of 2011 and my soon to be ex petitioned for relocation. I fought the relocation and she was denied her petition for relocation and was awarded a 50/50 timeshare which is what I had petitioned for. Three weeks later she called me to meet to inform me she was moving 1200 miles away and was leaving our 3 1/2 y/o daughter with me.

Now we are working within the guidlines of a basic parenting plan but I am denying her to travel every month 1200 miles feeling that it is not in the best interest. I have proposed in my plan 6 weeks (Spring Break, 1/2 of winter break, alternating Thanksgiving, and 1/2 of the summer vacation) of the year out there with her and to coordinate additional time here locally. She is requesting 1 month every other month, all of summer break, Spring Break and 1/2 of winter break (amounts to just over 26 weeks of the year) until she begins kindergarten. She is currently in preschool getting ready to enroll into VPK. THe ex states that while she is there she will enroll her in preschool there but I t feel that it is unfair to our daughter to travel so much and have her life disrupted and adjusting to different schools at such a young age.

Everyone I have spoken with (including strangers and counselors) agree that what I have proposed is fair and reasonable but looking toward the community for advisement. I have asked myself over and over again is this in the best interest of my daughter and it always comes back as yes. I have even looked at it from the ex's point of view but one thing that I have not pointed out to her is that she willingly and knowingly left her without any plan in place. Any help or other views of this would be of great assistance, especially those who are working with LDPP right now.

Although the ex was adulterous in the relationship, she is still her mom and I don't want to alienate her and try to promote a healthy LD relationship. Thank you - Joe ]]> Custody - Visitation Morgans_Dad http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22229 http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22228&goto=newpost Wed, 16 May 2012 05:36:37 GMT Would really appreciate some support or advice on my situation.

I've been working at a company for a few years as a low-level employee. I got paid decent, but I work nights (don't get home til midnight), overtime, and holidays (including Christmas). I recently got promoted--position seems very interesting and exciting, something I would be good at, salaried, no weekends, normal hours, no holidays, tons of great experience, more pay (almost 40% more than what I was making before), great benefits, and just overall awesome.

One caveat--travel. I would be required to travel, a little less than once a month and ranging from 1-5 days at a time. I mulled it over, but decided to accept the position because it truly is a once and a lifetime opportunity. I've actually never traveled at all before, so I am a little excited about that aspect (and that makes me feel a bit guilty because I will be traveling alone).

I know working parents from 2-parent households travel and it seems fine--so why do I feel guilty about traveling just because my daughter's father is pathetic? To note--she already has Nana, Auntie, and others wanting to take her overnights when I travel, so that is not the issue. I just feel guilty that I'm her mommy, and I should be there every night.

Has anyone been in this predicament? Am I a bad mother for choosing a job that would require travel? How do I ease the anxiety about being away from my daughter? I'm really worried that she's going to forget me, or get mommy confusion or something! ]]> Single Moms foolintherain http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22228 http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22227&goto=newpost Wed, 16 May 2012 04:19:55 GMT I e-mailed the boys mother 2 days ago. Today I got a reply.... not an answer, just a reply. Any Ideas how to word questions so she has to give a... I e-mailed the boys mother 2 days ago. Today I got a reply.... not an answer, just a reply.
Any Ideas how to word questions so she has to give a direct/straight answer?

I know I am the 1st to counsel if you don't want to be disappointed, then keep your expectations low. How low do I have to keep them?

> Motherthing,
> DS3 told me he has spoken with you about his summer job. Could you please confirm what you told him? If I don't hear back I'll take it you have given him permission to stay here and work.
>
> Me"

"You expecting a reply, one would assume I had a reasonable choice in the matter.

Sent from Motherthing's iPad"

"Motherthing,
Could you please confirm what you told him?

Me"

No further reply...yet...:rolleyes: ]]> Dad1st4boys http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22227 http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22226&goto=newpost Wed, 16 May 2012 03:10:28 GMT I'm a single mom of a ten yr old & a four year old. My ten year old has been diagnosed with ADHD w/in the past year. I'm still learning about it; from books, friends and as I go. This recent event has me stumped, to say the least. I realize some of it is kids stuff, things they all do. I just need some support right now from others who have children with this diagnosis.
When I got home this evening, I saw a bike in our front yard. I thought he had a friend over. He stays with neighbors by the way after school. I was puzzled. I asked him where the bike came from. He bought it, he said. ?, I thought, with what $? He said he 'found' $50 & bought the bike from a friend of his. He even went & showed me where he found the money. I'm thinking, you don't just find $50 buried under some grass.
My mom had stopped by earlier in the afternoon to check on him & he showed her the bike & said he bought it from a friend. She went & talked to the dad, they shook hands on it, she asked if it was stolen & he said it wasn't.
I instantly had a thought of some $ I had in my closet saved up for something later this year. It was over $100 with two fifty dollar bills in there. One of my fifties was gone.
I turned to him & said that one of my fifties was gone from my stash. He instantly blamed his brother, where even his brother could not have even gotten in there & reached it. He said that his brother got it in the middle of the night, he took it from brother meaning to put it back but forgot about it.
Fast forward, he's in trouble. I have told him that I expect all of this to be paid back, that he won't get the bike back till it's paid back. He's grounded for the week.
My question isn't in the story per se but is all the round about lying, story telling & such part of ADHD? Can he just not comprehend to come out with the truth or that stealing is wrong? I hear that they forget alot. Just flat out blank it out. He is on medication. ]]> Single Moms Kitkatbrat http://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22226